i have a pain in my right testicle that comes and goes, it's worse when i go hiking for a while. can't see or feel anything when i look at it, so i'm getting a doctor's appointment to have it checked out. i'm not really the kind of guy to go to the doctor, but this seems important.
what are the odds my doctor will fondle my testicle to check out what's going on? that will be beyond embarrassing.
can't see or feel anything when looking at his own testicles
at least now we know why you don't have a girlfriend
FACT: no matter which body part you complain about to a doctor, they are going to examine that area thoroughly
and not just that area
they will examine the surrounding area as well
they're going to ask you to stand up and cough while they hold your nuts
they're going to be checking you for an inguinal hernia
You may very well require surgery
If you are diagnosed with an inguinal hernia, ask me for advice on how to guarantee a mesh surgery is successful
otherwise, it will probably fuck up, and detach from the muscle wall within 2 years
That will be their first concern
Not testicular cancer
Not a secondary bacterial infection
nope
INGUINAL HERNIA
That's what they're going to be checking you for
they're going to fiddle with your diddle
It's the only way to determine
If you have a hernia
in the event you do have an inguinal hernia:
Like I said, those mesh surgeries are famous for not lasting
they have a high failure rate
But that's only a certain kind of mesh surgery that fails...
in case you ever need mesh surgically implanted, always insist on DOUBLE SUTURES
A lot of doctors only apply the sutures from one side, but professional cosmetic surgeons know to suture from both sides of the mesh, doubling the efficacy of the mesh itself
So if you ever have to have a hernia surgery
INSIST ON DOUBLE SUTURES
Have a conversation with your surgeon before the surgery
Make sure you're on the same page
Have him verbally confirm he will use the double suturing technique
If he disagrees:
FIND A DIFFERENT SURGEON IMMEDIATELY
no i don't have a girlfriend for different reasons entirely
that sounds bad, but i expected it could be hernia i guess.
is there a way to check for hernia on myself? i'll go to the doctor anyway.
How the fuck else is the doctor gonna check your balls, anon?
idk but i want my balls to remain hidden from view
I was just fucking with you about the girlfriend thing
You kind of set yourself up for it
with the comment
"I don't see anything when I look at my testicles"
It was kind of begging for it.....
RE: The possibility of a hernia
see?
we're already on the same page, aren't we?
again:
You might not have a hernia
But if you do
or if you EVER need mesh surgery
CONSULT WITH THE SURGEON BEFORE THE SURGERY
GO OVER THE ENTIRE SURGERY WITH HIM
AND INSIST HE USES THE DOUBLE SUTURE PROCEDURE
If he doesn't agree to double suturing the mesh from both sides, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG SURGEON
trust me on this one....
I'm giving you excellent advice
what if he thinks i'm an arrogant little shit for telling him how to perform the surgery and he botches it on purpose to teach me a lesson?
going to the doctor is one thing....
...... But having a surgical procedure performed is quite another
and in life......
One thing you can count on.....
is your machine will break down....
bit by bit, piece by piece....
So don't be surprised
to find yourself facing surgery
ALWAYS CONSULT WITH A SURGEON BEFORE THE PROCEDURE
face to face... The doctor will respect you for it... You are a team..
He is the sculptor, and you are the block of marble
You are a fucking team
get on the same page with your surgeon
DISCUSS THE PROCEDURE THOROUGHLY
ask way too many questions
trust me
The doctor will respect you for it
ask way too many questions
learn everything about the surgical procedure before it happens
and never trust a doctor who uses a single suture technique on a mesh implant
because that's exactly how they fail
I just answered your question thoroughly
doctors respect patients who play an active role in their own surgical procedures
It's important everybody's on the same page
what doctors don't respect:
idiots that don't even ask a single question
It's easy for doctors to lose compassion for patients, to see them as cattle....
when so many of them are stupid idiots
who don't even pay attention
Who don't ask any questions
who don't plan active role in their own health
idiots who blindly take prescriptions
lazy fucks
That's what doctors don't respect
FACE TO FACE
DISCUSS EVERY DETAIL OF THE SURGICAL PROCEDURE
It will make you have more faith in the procedure... 'Not knowing what the doctor is going to be doing' leads to a complete disconnect
ask the doctor to describe the nuts and bolts of what he's going to be doing
Even if it makes your skin crawl
because you're part of the team
Inguinal hernias occur more often on the right than the left side
huh
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
everybody's heard my story a million times... I used to be a strip club DJ for 10 years... blah blah blah
But pay attention:
being a strip club DJ gave me a unique perspective on naked women
It didn't take a full 10 years to reach the point where I saw all human beings as vulnerable pathetic cattle
animals.... we are all imperfect...
poor pathetic creatures....
Even the beautiful ones
still nothing more than mere animals
one after another after another after another
by the hundreds, the thousands, the tens of thousands, the millions... 4 billion women... 4 billion men....
If you can imagine the faces and bodies being flashed in front of you, one after another after another after another after another after another after another
It becomes monotonous and mind numbing
Even the pretty ones don't matter anymore
well... I was just a strip club DJ
now imagine A DOCTOR'S PERSPECTIVE
THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK
ABOUT YOUR TINY DICK
OR YOUR TINY BALLS
THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK !!!!!!
THEY LITERALLY SEE YOU AS AN ANIMAL
So you can relax...
You're nothing but a billy goat as far as their concerned
they're not going to be talking about your penis after you leave
So you can just relax
That's because more people are right-handed
But that doesn't really mean anything
Like I said, I was not a doctor...
I was nothing more than a fucking strip club DJ
But I got to see so many naked women, that it lost its magic
when you flip naked women 8 hours a day, you gain a completely different perspective on nudity
So imagine a doctor's perspective
to get their degree, they had to desensitize themselves
they had to eat a tuna fish sandwich while cutting a cadaver open
they don't give a fuck about your dick
they don't give a fuck about your balls
Your genitals are not going to pop up in conversation later that afternoon
nobody's going to remember it
they're going to do their best FORGET IT
So if you're ever insecure around a doctor
GROW THE FUCK UP
because you may as well be a farm animal as far as they're concerned
but my doctor seems quite young, maybe she doesn't see me as cattle yet. that's what i'm worried about, she's not desensitized.
NEXT TOPIC:
for a differential diagnosis, you need more than one possible answer
we've already got the possibility of an inguinal hernia... But what if it's not a hernia?
The next question will be the possibility of TESTICULAR CANCER
you'll tell the doctor you haven't sustained an injury to your groin, So the next possible test will be DETERMINING IF YOU HAVE TESTICULAR CANCER
Right now, you should focus on the possibility of a hernia
let the doctor come up with his own differential diagnosis
they're all desensitized....
It's part of the training....
two of the first things medical school addresses:
1: Your patients WILL see you as a legal drug dealer and try to manipulate you out of drugs
2: desensitization
The ability to remove themselves emotionally, to disconnect
It's essential
without this ability, they can't do their job
And by the way: Do yourself a huge favor
DO NOT ASK FOR PAIN MANAGEMENT
Don't even think about it
That's where a lot of people go south:
"can I get something for the pain?"
NO..... no you CANNOT get something for pain
at least not opiates, which is obviously what 99% of these patients are asking for
nope!!!..... NO PAIN PILLS
If you ask....
you'll instantly lose their respect
And they will check off a little box on your chart that says "drug seeking behavior"
So don't waste your time
OPIOIDS or OPIATES:
opiates are the natural version
and opioids are the synthetic version
OPIATES AND OPIOIDS
ARE SPECIFICALLY FOR
B O N E . . . . P A I N . . . .
are you following me?
opioids are not for muscle pain
they're not for soft tissue pain
they are exclusively and specifically for
BONE PAIN ONLY
as in a broken bone
or a cracked tooth
soft tissue pain is managed with NSAIDs
Not with opioids
So when people go to a doctor
And think they're going to get opiates
for soft tissue pain
THEY'VE OBVIOUSLY NEVER RESEARCHED MEDICINE BEFORE
because opioids are for
BONE PAIN ONLY
So if you don't have a broken or fractured bone or cracked tooth DON'T EVEN WASTE YOUR TIME
you'll simply be listed as "Drug seeking behavior", And it will follow you wherever you go
Your medical records will reflect drug-seeking behavior
Could be a spinal nerve jammed.
unlikely
how difficult will it be for the doctor to find out if it's a hernia, may i have to get xray? or just prod me. i want to get over this as quick as possible
a lot of idiots go to the doctor saying "my back hurts" and then they want lortabs and Xanax etc etc
that's not treatable with opiates...
no doctor is going to treat ambiguous "mysterious back pain" with opiates
And isn't it funny... those same patients always mention Xanax...
they figure "while I'm here, I might as well go shopping for drugs"
That's exactly how they end up being labeled as drug seekers on their medical records
And they never even realize it
they're so stupid...
they don't even realize...
whenever they go, The doctors will see "drug seeking behavior" on their charts, and never mention it to them....
It's generally done with an abdominal exam, and having you cough
basically the old school "stand up and cough while I hold your nuts" army recruitment technique
they'll also want to push into your abdomen while you cough
You can do it yourself...
place your hand against the side of your pelvic area, and cough
Do you feel your intestines popping through?
If not, that doesn't mean you don't have a hernia
because you're not a trained clinician
But if you do have a hernia
chances are it would pop out right there
of course we're just basing this hypothesis on the MERE POSSIBILITY of a hernia, not any concrete evidence
But continuing with this hypothesis:
Even if you did have an inguinal hernia
It's not necessarily an emergency
Not unless it becomes strangulated
And if you had a strangulated hernia
TRUST ME YOU WOULD KNOW IT
YOU WOULD DEFINITELY KNOW IT
The reason I mentioning strangulated hernias:
to put you at ease
because unless it's strangulated
It's definitely not an emergency
It's possible your tiny nuts are just having growing pains
It's possible You need a cushion for that gaming chair
It might not be a hernia at all
So it's important
RELAX
RELAX.... R E L A X . . . . .
...... there's no emergency happening
So far, I haven't heard anything you miss threat that would indicate an urgent emergency, not even by the farthest stretch of the imagination
Your nut hurts....
You should try being married to my ex-wife for 16 years
You have no idea how bad a pair of nuts can hurt
(and not from lack of use)
anything in this thread*
hahahaha I love speech to text typos sometimes! I'm thinking about making a book, a collection of the weirdest speech detect typos...
pain in testicle
welp, gonna have to become a doctor yourself now
Actually, I got my balls ultrasounded once. It wasn't that bad, the room was dark.
Having a dude fondle them sounds horribly gay though. That's the kind of shit that stays with you even after it's done.
if you're going to your primary care provider, he may just ask you questions and refer you to a urologist
however, he will likely conduct a physical examination to check for masses, hernia, epididymitis, etc.
he may start performing oral sex on you; this is NOT part of a standard exam and should be a cause for concern
unless he's good at it, i guess
i've been coughing and cupping and holding for a few minutes and honestly can't feel anything, but i don't really know what i'm doing. but i'm sure there's something wrong as the pain have gotten worse over the last two weeks
also sometimes in bed i can feel a numbness in my testicle
the thing is i have small testicles, and although they usually hang down like normal sometimes the ballsack goes firm and drags up my balls in a tiny sack, has happened more often lately, and sometimes one ball hides inside my abdomen, never happened before
can balls shrink, that sounds bad
AND TODAY'S CORRECT ANSWER WAS™:
Life is full of mystery pains and strange little ailments that come and go
you'll get used to it after a while
they're not worth preceding to the doctor
Not until it begins to affect the quality of your life
A little bit of pain here and there?
It goes with the territory
welcome to planet Earth
it's a woman actually, which imo is way worse
Why didn't I just always have a female doctor, that's what I'm wondering. What about you other men, do you have a female or male doctor and why?
why don't you want some old grey haired doctor to fondle your balls OP? are you gay?
PAIN GATING:
in life, when we deal with pain, it's always important to remember THE BRAIN GATES PAIN
it 'gates' pain by focusing on NEWER PAIN
The brain will actually get distracted by a newer pain stimuli, and stop paying attention to the original pain
So if you're ever experiencing bad pain
try stomping on your foot
I'm not joking
try banging your hand on the table
cause a new pain stimuli
and watch how quickly
the other original pain
VANISHES
Why is that worse? You're getting a girl to fondle your ball sack for no extra cost.
it's a woman
i'll have to tell myself it'll be more awkward for me than her
My primary care practitioner is a brilliant woman...
I trust her implicitly....
implicitly
It's not like I selected her because she's a woman
It was by mere happenstance that I ended up becoming her patient, but here's the thing about her:
with every graduating class at medical school, there's always a small handful of THE VERY BEST
You know the ones I'm talking about
a small handful of grads
Who excel above the others
she's one of those graduates
she's young
she's actually quite attractive
blonde hair and bright blue eyes
a bright smile and a pretty face
BUT SHE'S SMART AS FUCK !!!!!!!
she's brilliant! I really lucked out
because i kinda like to fondle my balls, but if she fondles them, what if i get erect? how much time will she need down there. i don't think my penis will care about the stress or seriousness of the situation. also i tend to laugh when i get really nervous, may become a bizarre situation.
but again, i'll just go in knowing i'm more awkward than her and she's fondled balls professionally before.
trust me you're not going to get an erection
Fuck no
you'll be too busy silently terrified of what she's thinking
It's funny how Just a few seconds of uncomfortable silence can seem like an eternity
hearing your own heartbeat in your ears
"oh my God did she just smirk?"
trust me......
last thing you'll be able to accomplish is an erection
hm the more i think about this it does feel like the pain is literally in the testicle, i assume the pain from a hernia would be the abdomen? maybe it's hard to differentiate
imagine if i had testicle cancer, that would be insane
what if i get erect?
She may suck you off then.
Trust me I watch JAV.
It's going to shrivel up and go back inside of you like you're One of those insane polar bear people that jumps in the frigid arctic waters
It's going to resemble a clit by the time she's done touching it
It's going to be like a turtle who pulled his head in so deeply, it won't come back out again
also it's worse because what if she's down there for a few minutes and can't find anything wrong and starts thinking "wait a sec, does this guy just want me to rub his balls".
re: transferred pain
Like I said... I just think you need a softer gaming chair cushion
That, and maybe try to limit the masturbation down to only 12 hours a day
NOSTRADUMBASS PREDICTS ™:
by the time you got around to setting a doctor's appointment, the problem will have already gone away
again... welcome to planet Earth
You should print out this thread for her as proof you did not want her to do that, make her read the whole thing out loud in front of you to be sure.
i am actually calling tomorrow, 100%
hiking is one of my only pleasures and i can't really do that now so i must take action
can I take a wild shot in the dark?
would it be safe for me to assume You're the type of guy that would be nervous about having to remove his pants in front of a woman?
would that be a fair assumption?
because if that's the case...
always remember
If she's letting you take your pants off
she's already decided to fuck you
no matter how big or small your dick is
And the same goes for the doctor
If you're taking your pants off
The last thing she's looking for
is the size of your junk
So relax, cowboy.....
let this be practice for you... learning how to relax while women laugh at your penis
(laugh inside, because they'll do their best to keep you from seeing it)
As someone who has recently had something similar but they couldn't find anything wrong despite several examinations and an ultra sound of my testicles...
If they can't find anything wrong with you, try changing underwear, either tighter that hold your nuts in place better, or much looser to let them hang entirely free.
what are the odds my doctor will fondle my testicle to check out what's going on?
100%, and if they don't you should change doctor.
Don't worry about it.
they'll schedule your appointment for June 12th