Dr

Dr
Girlfriend wants to do couples therapy. Anybody have experience with us?

Background

been dating for over three years

girlfriend is Mexican and can be a spicy Latina at times

to be honest, I feel like she has anger problems at times

She thinks I come off as disrespectful at times

She says I approach conversations the wrong way

I have no experience going to couples therapy

we are going to see a therapist that I chose this coming Friday

I intentionally chose Latina therapist, knowing full well that it will make things difficult for me, in the hopes that my girlfriend would be more comfortable and open to speaking freely

I imagine I’m going to get my asshole ripped open by two women for an hour But I plan on sitting there and taking it

I’m not just going to go through the motions During the session I will focus and try to listen to everything my girlfriend and this woman discuss About my transgressions

to be honest, I’m a little nervous because I’m never done this before

I feel like you only hear about couples therapy for couples trying to delay the inevitable Separation

I love my girlfriend very much, and I do want to spend my life with her

we plan on getting married in a few years when she is finished with her program and schooling

Since making the appointment, my girlfriend seemed to calm down a bit and she seems more like her loving self

I guess I’m just nervous bro. What advice do you guys have for my session on Friday? Has anybody else here gone through this as well?

You're in for some shitty life lessons.

The truth is that, unless you're a complete NPC, women are going to have absolutely nothing to offer you in a relationship besides sex or children (if you want them). Any concept of "companionship" you're relying on is a modern social construction that exists purely in your head. The fact that you excuse her childish behavior by introducing equally childish qualifiers (she's a "a spicy latina") speaks volumes.

The reality is that these relationships are for weak men who can't go through life alone. If you're one of those men, that's okay. You just have to understand that if you guys break up, she'll be sleeping with someone else in a matter of weeks. All of her friends who publicly praised you and gave their support of your relationship will circle around and "support" her by explaining how much they never really liked you.

Just understand the whole point of therapy is to placate this woman's arbitrary feelings. You're going to see therapy entirely circles around her feelings, constantly validating her feelings, and everyone walking around eggshells in hopes that she *might* feel vulnerable and comfortable to to agree to make changes (which she inevitably won't stick with).

Source: I have a degree in psychology and used to run these sessions.

Couples counselling is psy op to get you into a room with somebody else who then makes you break up after force feeding you a narrative
The counsellor will slowly turn your wife against you and it’ll end in divorce

They are not there to help you, they’re there to tear you apart because they want you miserable and alone and they want your wife to fuck immigrants instead

Couples therapy is a government sponsored program to break couples apart
They directly contribute to lower birth rates
It’s a scam

Every year tens of thousands of couples break up or divorce after receiving couples therapy

If you need someone else to fix your marriage problems it was never going to work anyway

Thank you for your response. I agree with what you said about this entire session will mostly placate and validate her feelings.

However Since I am a weak man, and I do love her, Do you have any advice on how I should conduct myself during the session?

One THIRD of couples who get counselling will divorce or break up immediately after.
Studies suggest couples counselling helps women more than men. This is because it is designed to empower the woman to leave the man.

Do you have any advice on how I should conduct myself during the session?

Just sit in your chair like a beta cuck while your wife and a random stranger tell you all of the things you’re doing wrong

Let them berate you and say nothing
When your wife eventually sees you as a cuck and starts to cheat on you as a result of the brainwashing, go back to therapy as a single man
Then get on a lot of pills that numb the pain and die alone full of regret for trusting the state with your family’s problems

That means that 70% of sessions are successful.

The other 30% also didn’t include only separation. It included no improvement also.

That means that 70% of sessions are successful.

It means that 70% of sessions didn’t immediately result in a divorce. It doesn’t mean they were successful at all.

Just because 7 out of 10 sessions don’t cause relationship collapse doesn’t mean 3 out of 10 relationships falling apart due to counselling is acceptable

If you get counselling with your wife there is:
- A 30% chance she will leave you after
- A 70% chance she might put up with it for a little bit longer before leaving you anyway

If this is what you want to do, it's really as simple as making sure you say these key phrases.

Callbacks

When you respond to something she or the therapist say, you repeat what they say so they feel heard.

her: "He's so mean to me! I leave shit all over the floor and he doesn't pick it up for me."

you: "I think I'm hearing you say that I'm not as considerate as I could be. Like when you leave shit all over the floor, you feel like I'm being a big jerk by not picking it up for you."

"you say, I feel" statements

"when you say [repeat what she said], I feel like I''m not doing a good job validating your feelings"

Use buzzwords

The buzzwords you're going to want to use is are as follows:

"Your feelings are totally valid"

"You don't have to apologize for feeling that way"

"I can do better"

You have to understand that being in a relationship with a woman is basically like being in a relationship with a little kid. It's not about facts and basically at any time she can walk away from the relationship. If you're dating a woman that's halfway attractive, the reality is that men are constantly around her trying to fuck her. Even if you win at counseling, you're just delaying the fact that she's ultimately going to get bored and want to leave. Women want to date giants and unless you're larger than life in every way possible, there's a literal endless parade of dick and seemingly limitless potential for something better available to her -- not for you.

BTW, I'm not some redpill fag. I just went through several of these relationships and always realized these women just literally have nothing to offer you. I'm strong and happy enough to survive on my own. I've watched people like my dad get lead around by the nose through life chasing pussy and they end up pathetic and miserable.

The results are overwhelmingly successful

Honestly this was my idea so if It blows up in my face, it’s my fault.

I’ve been trying to get her to go see a therapist for almost our entire relationship, but she avoids it because she doesn’t want to be vulnerable with other people. I suggested we go to a couples therapy, and made the appointment, because I know she will be uncomfortable During the therapy session and have a hard time being vulnerable.

I want to her To voice, her ridiculous concerns, aloud, to another person, and hear what she sounds like. I think once she actually hears what she thinks and is saying, she might come back down to reality a little bit.

I’m not going to try and argue with her whatsoever because I know it is completely fruitless. It doesn’t matter how logical her arguments are, what matters is how she feels.

I’m not going to challenge her feelings about anything. I’m just going to be strong, silent, supportive, and hope that she comes to her senses.

If she doesn’t, then it’s time to move on, and I am OK with that. I can’t say I didn’t try to save this relationship.

both yes and no.

When it says "better off at termination" it's a rubber ruler because:

how do you know the results of those that don't recieve treatment

what constitutes "better off?"

I assume they mean subjective well being (primarily for the woman in the relationship because therapy isn't as effective for men.

"rivals the most effective psychosocial and pharmacoloigcal interventions for individual mental health disorder"

This means almost nothing considering we've been using roughly 80% of the same treatments and medications since the 1980s and they're actually not that effective at all.

TL;DR - Psychology is a real science and a great field but a lot of it has devolved into people who can't do math publishing papers to try to validate their politics (and it's not working)

Dr Girlfriend doesn't even sound like a real name.

I want to her To voice, her ridiculous concerns, aloud, to another person, and hear what she sounds like. I think once she actually hears what she thinks and is saying, she might come back down to reality a little bit.

Yeah, that's where you're wrong. There's a reason walk around totally out of touch with reality believing in insane shit like the wage gap or that women can outperform men in sports. There's an entire world of wonderwoman movies and social media regurgitating toxic positivity all over each other.

If she doesn’t, then it’s time to move on, and I am OK with that. I can’t say I didn’t try to save this relationship.

I guess my question is why? I mean I understand being in love and doing all you can. It' just not worth the effort imo.

if you're doing counseling, its because you're going to break up anyway. if you break up straight after thats fucking great, its efficient

the time I went to couples counseling, the therapist (doctorate and lecturer at the university on the topic) spent the first session asking us about everything and all subsequent sessions subtly hinting at her that she's a crazy bitch and the problem. the focus was entirely on her, it was great.

She knows she is crazy deep down. She even says so.

She knows I try and put in an effort in this relationship. She thinks me all the time for being patient with her.

I do love her, and this is another way of showing her that I do love her and care about our relationship

you're going to break up anyway

Might as well save the money and just break up then

I do love her, and this is another way of showing her that I do love her and care about our relationship

You’re too much of a simp dude
It’s exactly why she’s going to leave you

Tell her fuck couples counselling and tell her if she’s going to fucking leave to just fuck off already
Do that and she will stay with you

That’s amazing.

Did she ever get the hint?

Also, was your therapist, a man or a woman?

Psychfag here that has been replying to you.

There's a lot of bitching about women on this forum but this is a great example of how fucking stupid men are. Women act this way because weak men empower them in the name of "love"

I'm so happy I'm happy single.

couples therapy

That's always just someone she hires to try to get you to act how she wants you to act. She doesn't like you but wants a warm body. Kick to curb.

used to run these sessions.

Used to run these sessions being the operative words.

Licensed social worker since 1995, specializing in crisis intervention with MI population.
(I’m the guy who puts you in the mental hospital)

girlfriend is Mexican

Can confirm

Source: Just had 9 months of this shit, and it was expensive af

Just had a W in that I persuaded the wife there was literally no point in continuing with it since the therapist had reached the point of telling her to leave me since she wouldn't work at any tasks etc

A W since, I am continuing the 'therapy' solo by using all the buzzwords, treating her emotionally like a kid etc just like in therapy except now I'm not paying anymore. And it has made a marginal difference, probably most because she's primed to expect this as good behaviour from her own therapy / online feeds etc

Context is we haven't had sex in years and she resents all touch from me, but I don't want to divorce and see my kid half the time and let another man raise my kid (I guess she also doesn't want to see kid half the time or she would have divorced me already). There's also a financial aspect we'd both be fucked there and she knows it too on some level. Still every day I wake up wondering am I gonna get served today

Used to run these sessions being the operative words.

Exactly. I went to a technical college and learned a real skill. The difference is night and day. Now I make $175,000 a year working entirely from home with other really smart people. Right now my colleauge is talking to me about the Breckenridge agreement. 10 yars ago I used to listen to clinical psychologists cry about how math is racist.

Licensed social worker since 1995, specializing in crisis intervention with MI population.

Congratulations on your gimme degree and pathetic career. I'll be retired in my early 40s.

How do we weak men empower them?

I’m not trying to come off as argumentative. I wanna understand this better so I don’t continue to fall into these traps in the future.

What did you go to school for?

Couple’s therapy should be about learning how to communicate. Most people are so ego driven that they lack the empathy to see situations from the other person’s pov.
The therapist should be a facilitator. A guide for both people that helps the couple identify their problems. After that, you and she have to decide if you are both willing to compromise enough to continue the relationship. That is where the decision to split comes from. The question of are you willing to compromise should not be giving up your self identity or leave you feeling that way.
Years ago I read a study of couples who had been together for over 50 years. The question was what made their relationships a success? The answer in most cases was that they didn’t go into their relationships expecting the other person to complete them. They didn’t have preconceived ideas. It wasn’t a fairytale and they both worked at it.

Basically by giving them unconditional positive regard all the time (which is what you're doing). Contrary to what people on this board think, women aren't like inferior mentally or anything. They just get nothing but positive feedback on everything they do, live in a world where everybody is constantly lying to them, everyone is placating and validating every thought that comes into their head all the time, and they're told that they're stronger and better than men yet live in a world where they can never be held to the same standard. You'd be just as crazy.

Originally? I went to school for psychology. I switched to software development at a technical school. The whole program was like 3 months long. My first job paid more money than I ever made in my life. That was about 10 years ago. I kept building my skills / investing / living below my means and now I'm rich.

Congratulations on your gimme degree and pathetic career. I'll be retired in my early 40s.

I do it for the daily violence and adrenaline rush. I don’t get bored.
BTW, I could get into a pissing contest with you. I also own a graphic design company with two partners and for fun I’m a rigger, carpenter, electrician on call with local IATSE.

I’m in my 60’s and I plan to work until I can’t for the simple fact that what I do is fun and engaging and a Hell of a lot more fun than being retired at 40.

if she's a latina and she's giving you attitude just say "tacos are gay" and then leave and go fuck a hooker

she will straighten herself out

And to me that's why it's fundamentally flawed, where is the consideration of any kids involved, in what you just wrote?
The assumption is the kids will be better off if a couple continue together despite 'giving up their self identity or feeling that way'
That assumption is highly questionable

And it's not just kids, there are plenty of other reasons you might choose to continue despite all that.

Therapy is not value neutral in itself.

Oh shut the fuck up. You're dealing with "violence" daily in your 60s and get a huge "adrenaline rush." 99% of being a social worker is doing paperwork. You're not kidding anyone.

Also if you're working 40 hours a week watching someone on suicide watch, you're not going to be able to run a very successful graphic design company. The idea you're doing all these other trades "for fun" is stupid.

fact that what I do is fun and engaging and a Hell of a lot more fun than being retired at 40.

That's a really pathetic cope. Working 5 part time jobs and trying to exaggerate it like you've dominated life is stupid. Being able to afford to do literally whatever you want all the time and deciding you're going to work speaks volumes about why you got such a stupid degree. You're clearly a delusional fucking idiot.

I just finished a 2 year contract. I'm going to spend the next month doing whatever I want -- might even take the summer off. This means hiking the USA, focusing on taking my fitness to the next level, orgies, kicking it with friends, working on art, and furnishing my new house. I'm 35. You're in your 60s bragging about working 5 part tim trade jobs "for fun?" And you phrase it like a flex? I feel bad for you.

Clearly one of us has one and one of us is full of shit.

First off don’t fall into a cliched stereotype. Men are not weak. Women are not weak. If you go through life looking at it that way you just set yourself up for failure.

Ask the therapist to teach you both how to communicate effectively and fairly. There has to be rules behaviorally speaking to allow everyone to be heard. A lot of resentment is created when you are left in a one sided conversation.

Tell me you've never been in a serious relationship with a woman without telling me.

Just a reminder to everyone in this thread:

Rate of divorce for heterosexual couples: over 55%

80% of those divorces are filed by women

Rate of divorce among gay men : 23%

Rate of divorce among gay women: 80%

Your data is telling a story. It's up to you if you listen to it.

I’m on call 3x12.
That gives me 4 days to do what I want.
I go white water. I go biking. I work concerts. My company runs itself now after 20 years. We have a catalog of designs. You pick it up we print it. I used to do web design but dealing with clients complaining about subtleties when I knew they’d just finally choose what I originally gave them became a bore.

I can see you have your priorities. No need to belittle mine. I have a farm, three homes of which I rent two. I don’t need to work. Raised two step daughters, one of which is a parole officer and the other a military wife who lives in Germany now.

Life is an adventure.

Don’t get into pissing match.

We’re here to talk about my gay ass problems

I mentioned aikido because I deal with violent people. If I was a correctional officer like many of my friends would training in self defense be a farcical idea?

You spend a lot of time on the attack. Not unusual on Anon Babble but there are usually just three reasons for it. It’s to early in the year for summerfags so you are either trolling back or you are personally offended. I’m guessing you’re offended.
I believe this is when you kids say cope and seethe?
Desu?

Woman 101.
1) Validate her emotions after she tells you something.
"I understand why you feel that way. That sounds really difficult." Have your own, but don't be argumentative.
"I get that I drive you crazy, but when X happens I feel Y."
Notice the passive voice, "when X happens" and not "when you do X."
If you say "when you do X" you're assigning blame, and she'll probably feel attacked/invalidated.
2) There is no purpose to conversation other than to inform and understand. Coversing and counseling are not going to fix anything. They're not supposed to. You're in counseling so someone else can validate her feelings because you're probably approaching everything with a "fix it" attitude and not a "Gee, that sucks, tell me more about how you feel" attitude.
3) Listen 3x more than you speak. She can fix her own problems, she's looking to connect and vent (guessing she's stressed all the time about school). Let her vent, offer no solutions, but keep your pride. It's probably not about you anyway.

Listen more, simp less. Validate emotions but accept no responsibility unless you're actually to blame. If you accept blame when you're not wrong, she'll lose respect for you because you've lost it for yourself already (sounds like you're pretty far down this road already to be honest). "I get that you're stressed, school/those other women/life sucks."
Vent to your buddies, not your gf. Male-female relationships are not symmetrical.

Dude before I introduced a random third party to my relationship I’d consult the ai and balance our arguments on a scale of rationality. It’s just more sensible that way. It would also allow you to express your emotions via writing instead of being angry for anger’s sake. You have like formalized your verbal complaint and have brought something to the table to consume and digest. The talking shit is old.