BVB POOP

I bet you've never even been to a rave before, have you?

If you've never been to a rave, you don't know what you're missing!

You have no idea how amazing they are!

watching videos simply doesn't cut it, because once you're there, in the middle of 300,000 hardcore ravers, with 6 million worth of fireworks going off, and 8 million worth of carnival ride rentals, everybody happy and smiling, peace love unity and respect, girls walking around with their tits hanging out, because they know the guys aren't going to touch them or hit on them.

You have no idea what you've missed

You should seriously consider changing your perspective on life, by going to an insomniac event, like one of the big raves they throw in Vegas, EDC

electric Daisy carnival. That type of rave

It costs a couple hundred bucks...
And it changes your life forever!
It finally opens your eyes to a real Utopia!

It's like if aliens threw a high-tech woodstock event.

It's unbelievable!!
It's exhilarating
It's the most freeing experience of your entire life

you'll never be happier

I guarantee it

youtu.be/rg259A0WM5E?si=4MVzunuh2No37wGj

I'd imagine it must be rather frustrating for you to realize somebody as OLD AND ANCIENT AS ME is so much cooler and young minded than a young guy like YOU

It's kind of strange at your young age, YOURE The one living the life of an old man, no sex, no partying, no rave girls...

while a fossil like me has a huge smile on my face, and a veritable ocean of unbelievable memories of unlikely events and circumstances, countless women half my age sucking my dick, while you sit there like an old grandpa, unhappy and frustrated, wishing you could control the world around you.

isn't that ironic?

It's like you and I have our roles reversed

spamming faggot

back in the old days, young people had a terminology 'HIP', meaning 'cool', somebody who thinks young and open-minded.

isn't it ironic? somebody as old as me is SOO MUCH HIPPER than you?

whereas your life is much like that of an old curmudgeon, grumpy and dissatisfied, unable to achieve an erection, no young girls interested in fucking you, no parties, no drugs, no risk-taking, no adventure, no excitement

frowning and unhappy, continually chained to your little computer, frustrated because you wish you could control other people.

get some sleep Grandpa

because the 60-year-old teenager is about to get some pussy today

That's right, masturbator!
I'm about to get some pussy. I'm rolling a doobie right now, my wife is in the shower, and when she comes out we're going to fuck around for a little while.

I can't believe you've never played rave music while fucking a woman.

youtu.be/eQiJ2_8IQ3k?si=8gv5UAMURIsoDgIX

I can't believe you've already become obsolete at your young age

.......... weird

youtu.be/eQiJ2_8IQ3k?si=8gv5UAMURIsoDgIX

You've been 'Livin' on the Edge', huh?....

on the edge of that gaming chair, with your penis in one hand, a controller in the other hand, and a complete lack of sexual or emotional companionship.

no wonder you always want to control other people

Life has already passed you by, and you would repair the injustice by controlling people, making you feel like you finally mattered

I've got three questions for you:

1: what kind of person desires liquids to drink?

a thirsty person who has nothing to drink

2: what kind of person desires food?

A hungry person with nothing to eat

3: WHAT KIND OF PERSON WISHES THEY COULD CONTROL OTHERS AROUND THEM?

an irrelevant, overlooked, powerless, weak and impotent loser, who has no control over anybody or anything

(If you ever miraculously find a female willing to have sex with you, bookmark this album)

It's the ultimate 'soundtrack' to fucking the ever living dog shit out of a woman

youtu.be/abLBzUjztGo?si=s4aRBxirPIXqJ4x-

Mature more.

I was fucking the German Kirsten girl for a few months right before I met my wife
Kirsten is ONE OF THE BEST ARTISTS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
in fact, she was kind of famous as a child, at a very very young age (I think 8 years old, if I remember correctly) she already had her artwork hanging in gallerie
she was already in newspaper articles and television news spots

because she was so young
And so fucking talented
when she moved to America, she fell in love with the Rave scene.
It changed her life, as it does for everybody with a brain stem
she absolutely LOVED doing a tiny little bit of meth (literally just a tiny little $5 bump is all that's required) and getting fucked in her ass for hours
she loved it in the ass for some reason
And she was tiny
she was petite
a short little tiny little handful
BUT EVERY TIME SHE ORGASMED
SHE SPRAYED PISS EVERYWHERE
And it turned me off. I'm going to be completely honest here:
some people foolishly call it 'squirting'
some people think it's a different body fluid
IT'S PISS... IT'S URINE....
'squirting' IS URINE.....
Don't kid yourself
there is no 'mysterious unknown body fluid'
THOSE WOMEN ARE URINATING ON YOU
Like I said, it was a huge turn off
Even though I was fucking the ever DOG SHIT out of her, And she would literally let me ANYTHING, no matter how degrading or rude...
But that didn't matter..
because I didn't like the piss thing
It was a huge turn off for me

I've gotten several pornographic videos and lots of photographs of Kirsten

But I'm not going to post them in here
because she's a very sweet chick
And I'm not going to dox her
(I've never met a chick who snorted a $5 line of meth, and DIDN'T let me fuck her in the ass for hours on end)
All of them love getting fucked SPECIFICALLY IN THE ASS while tweaking

Like I said, I think she was eight... 8 or 9, But I'm pretty sure it's 8

8 YEARS OLD....
with her artwork hanging in Munich art galleries

And it wasn't childish artwork..
It was EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL

she has a certain style,
pseudo realism, yet very much impressionistic

hard to explain
It's impressionistic, fragmented, and often scraped onto the canvas with paint knives...

But when you pull away from it, and look at it as a whole, suddenly it looks like a photograph

real hard to explain

It took me until my twenties to start having television news stories and newspaper articles written about me in different cities where I would travel and paint.

she beat me to the punch

eight fucking years old.
and way more talented than I'll ever be

she's literally a certified absolutely real ARTISTIC GENIUS ™

as in: one in a million, world class, bury unusual, very unlikely talent

But she kept pissing on me
over and over and over
I put up with it for a while
I shrugged it off
I told myself 'Just don't think about it'
after all, she was giving me her asshole
she was allowing me to basically BRUTALLY RAPE HER ASSHOLE without calling the police on me

......... Do you even understand what I'm saying?

because when girls are tweaky on math, THEY WANT TO BE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

lol...... I'm not lying
That's why people like meth so much
I guess you're unaware of this fact?
The reason people like meth is because
IT TURNS YOU INTO A SEXUAL DEMON
IT MAKES WOMEN BECOME SEXUAL DEMONS
they literally want to be SEXUALLY ASSAULTED
And like I said... they won't even dial 911 afterwards
they'll let you hit it for days
anyway you want
as rude as you can possibly get
when they're tweaking...
THE LESS UNCARING THE BETTER
THE MORE ABUSIVE AND RUDE
THE HARDER THEY ORGASM
they're not looking for sweet kisses and cuddles
they want to be sexually assaulted, god damn it. And they're not fooling around. It gets really fucking serious!

That's why people like meth, in case you didn't know... People like math because IT MAKES SEX BECOME INSANE!!!!

It makes girls go INSANE WITH SEX

..... I'm sure you've been in this same situation many times before:

fucking the shit out of a petite German ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT ARTIST in her ass, and she starts "squirting" every time she orgasms (when girls are tweaking, getting fucked in the ass, they have multiple rapid fire orgasms, on a level they never experience without the drug) The German girl starts pissing all over you, right?

I'm sure you've dealt with it before...

For some dumb reason, they gave it the cute nickname "squirting"

But it already has a name:
URINATING

PISSING.... PISSING ALL OVER YOU

It's disgusting...

there I was, with her legs spread wide, holding her ankles up in the air, standing on the floor while she's up on the bed, at the perfect level for me to literally RAPE HER ASSHOLE WITH COMPLETE DISRESPECT....

And here comes the piss again...

oh my God!!! she pissed all over me so many times...

And she tried convincing me 'It's not piss, it's like girls semen'

BULLSHIT!!!.... IT'S PISS !!!

THAT'S PISS, LADY!. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME!!

(I studied internal medicine extensively, and take my word for it pal, THAT'S URINE)

by the way, this is one of my daughters...

she's the daughter with the Swedish woman, my Swedish ex-wife...

as in: Debi was actually FROM SWEDEN

our daughter is doing very well. she's in California having the time of her life! she's smart and cool and very skeptical of people.

what's this thread about, anyway?....
I honestly don't remember

I'm not sure it was ever even clarified in the first place

IS THIS ANOTHER POOPY THREAD?
.... awesome. those are my favorites

..... So Kirsten would be pissing all over me, and I'd be closing my eyes, trying to put it out of my mind, still thrusting and pumping her asshole even looser

And I could feel the warm piss running down my legs on my feet, splashing on the floor around my feet

And I'd want to vomit...

It literally made me want to vomit

But that didn't stop me from fucking, NO SIR

I was still doing drugs back then, so Kirsten and I were continually snorting a little meth and going over to my place to fuck (she had a boyfriend, which is really embarrassing for me, because normally I never do that... normally, I make a rule that I will NEVER fuck another guy's woman, even if they're having a problem in their relationship, because I never want to be "that guy")

But I must admit....
I had gotten out of prison not long before that

And I kind of broke my own rule
I crossed my own line
I breached my own standard of excellence

because I was fucking a girl with a boyfriend at home

thank God I met my wife just in the nick of time, right?...

You're normally such a CHATTY CATHY
always chit-chatting in here
calling people "spamming faggots"

But suddenly now you've gone silent

.......... was it something I said?

................... was it me?

because I'm going to have to be honest with you here....

I liked you a lot better when you were calling me a spamming fag

what happened?

where did we go wrong?

RE: SPAM

One Man's Spam is another man's filet mignon

from my perspective, you're getting nothing but the very best today!!

nothing but the best will do for you!
And that's why I'm here

I swear this meme just brings out the underlying mental illness in all the Eustaces here.
It might be cursed.

dude, PicsArt has always been THE GOLD STANDARD when it came to mobile devices and graphic design.

of course, I grew up with the Amiga and subsequently windows IBM platform, so Photoshop and the entire Adobe creative suite were my stomping grounds, so to speak.

That and 3D software...

But regarding image creation and retouch, everybody knows ADOBE was the king of the world, with Photoshop, the literal gold standard for digital graphics

HOWEVER: when smartphones popped up on the horizon, Adobe fumbled the ball.

Adobe completely fumbled the fucking ball. I used to have a paid app called ADOBE PHOTOSHOP TOUCH

That was their best attempt at capturing the mobile market.. IT WAS COMPLETE GARBAGE!!!!!

Adobe Photoshop touch was WORTHLESS!! It was one of the worst fucking apps ever made, and completely useless regarding graphic images.

totally fucking useless... And I had to pay for it, but of course they stopped updating it and supporting it, and it literally just stopped working one day.

with no email responses from their support team.

PICSART was already amazing, even back then... It's gotten much, much better subsequently, but even back then, PICSART was the very best graphic app for mobile devices.

unlike Adobe, PicsArt put a TON of thought into it, really really fucking good developers, making a badass fully functional user friendly graphic manipulation app, high-resolution, no less.

But now?....
NOW??..... now it's become AMAZING they've added all kinds of cool AI functions and video and everything

The AI really enhances the program in this case, it's not just a cheesy addition

It's actually part of the functionality of the app now... It's state-of-the-art
and Adobe STILL can't catch up

Adobe is still fumbling the ball to this day lol, But PicsArts become a fully functional AI image and video suite, perfection

pretty

pretty shitty taste in women, dude

That's because you don't have any experience with women, so how could you possibly have any discriminating taste?

......... Right?

But maybe one of these days you'll find the opportunities to develop your own sexual preferences and personal tastes in women.

maybe

The reason I'm telling you about all the new SUPER HIGH QUALITY AI inclusions in PicsArt is because my wife told me that these days, you can't access any of those features unless you have a paid subscription to PicsArt

I didn't realize they changed it, because I have a full subscription. I didn't realize you needed a subscription to be able to access the AI video functions and all of that trippy shit (The developers have very successfully integrated high-end superfast really good quality AI functionality into the entire app now, and it's quite impressive... It really is something to behold... well worth the money, to be honest)

But I didn't pay for my subscription

Believe it or not, last year I was using the app, and one of the functionalities wasn't working, and as always, I complained to the support team.

I have a special way of complaining to customer support, by the way.

I always have, ever since customer support started lol

I'm good on the phone, so I have a technique of complaining in such a specific and escalating, demanding and loquacious way, that believe it or not... The customer support people always OFFER ME FREE SHIT Just to get me off the fucking phone.

100% true... You wouldn't believe how many FREEBIES I've gotten for myself and family and friends before, simply through THE ART OF COMPLAINING EFFECTIVELY

Believe it or not, I've gotten free phones and free blocks of airtime phone service, months of phone service completely free, and all other kinds of shit for free, simply by COMPLAINING A SPECIFIC WAY

(For some reason I'm stoned and the only example I could think of was cell phone service, because I've had a lot of free offers from cell phone carriers simply by complaining)

And believe it or not...
after I complained to PicsArt customer support through their email (Not even a phone call this time, just an email)
THEY GAVE ME A FEW YEARS FREE GOLD MEMBERSHIP!!!

yep! absolutely true!!
they gave me 3 years GOLD MEMBERSHIP

I can't remember what year the Samsung Galaxy 3 came out, maybe 2011? I think so... 2012 maybe? I really can't remember

That was a long time ago, but back then... The Samsung Galaxy S3 THE MOTHER FUCKING FLAGSHIP DEVICE that everybody wanted

I bought one, and there was an update, and changed some of the functions of my phone, so I complained to my carrier

IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY OF COMPLAINING

I usually don't complain like other people
I make them willing to die just to get me off the phone

I'm not joking
I'll be extremely fucking thorough about it
unrelenting
systematic, like a jackhammer
Not losing control of my emotions
no anger or anything like that

Just MIND NUMBING NEVER-ENDING loquacious (And quite accurate, because you can't complain about something that's not true-It has to be a legitimate complaint) OVERBLOWING IT OUT OF PROPORTION nitpicky motherfucker on the other end of the phone, and they will do ANYTHING to just get rid of you.

So I complained my way into TWO MORE BRAND NEW SAMSUNG GALAXY S3 PHONES!!

completely free...
If I'm not mistaken, I think they used to be like $450 or something... I really can't remember

I'm old as fuck. You don't remember details like that when you get older. they don't matter.

I think it was like $450

each phone... was like $450 each
AND I GAVE THEM AWAY

I GAVE THEM TO MY FRIENDS

because my phone was still working just fine

I was simply complaining
I never said my phone didn't work anymore

you'd be surprised how far backwards they'll bend just to get you off the mother fucking phone

And my wife will testify to the fact she's seeing me receive several blocks of free carrier air time, by complaining about other stupid irrelevant nitpicky shit...
I've gotten free air time for her...

I've gotten her free phones, simply by bitching about basically trivial irrelevant shit...

being a pain in the ass...

And that's exactly what I was doing with PicsArt

More like trolling, than anything else I suppose

Just typing out an extremely wordy, overly complex and excruciatingly detailed pain in the ass complaint...

AND THEY OFFERED ME 3 YEARS GOLD MEMBERSHIP FOR FREE !!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
100% TRUE !!!

ABSOLUTELY FREE....
I didn't ask for free gold membership
subscribing had never crossed my mind before

thank God they gave it to me
because now?
PICSART DOES VIDEO AI
and ALL of its functionalities have been enhanced big time!

I've really got to hand it to them...

they took an already great app..
(the very best)
and made it EXPONENTIALLY BETTER

I told you years ago I literally got rid of all of my computers. I used to have six computers running in my bedroom, and one day I just got sick of it.

And I decided to do an ongoing running experiment regarding handheld devices and graphic, music and video editing

I'm still doing that experiment to this very day

watching the processors get better
watching AI start to play its role
And I've seen some really shitty AI apps

I've seen some horrible AI apps

But I assure you
PICSART knocked it out of the fucking park!!

LOLvis the spamming, retarded, geriatric, manlet, yank faggot

I just took a foot long greasy dump.

You dont hate Anon Babble anon. You are just too new to realize the tradition. Anons havr always posted content to drive off boring tourists like you.

Drink andy's fart pudding you noob.

do people really think that the only way a woman can look desirable is to have a 5/10 face? no, you can do much better than that

save what you will about phone fagging, because it's all true.. I concur, wholeheartedly...

yet you can't deny it's benefits...
sure, the six computers in my bedroom were all laptops, portable, and as long as I had a Wi-Fi connection, I could consider them mobile devices.

But we all know that's not true

The NSA, Dept of Defense , & Google (Android - dalvik platform) developed a much more effective tool in their arsenal

smartphones

And I hope log fag will pardon my pun, but other men may 'POO POO' smartphones and phonefags, I'm the one who gets to keep shit posting wherever I go.

I don't have to stay sitting in that same goddamn CHAIR

I'm usually UP AND WALKING AROUND DOING THINGS while I'm shit posting

I'll be shopping at the store, shit posting, while my naysayers are trapped in their bedroom, in that same stinky little CHAIR

and the best part?
using speech to text...

no shit... That's the best part...
because If I'm out in public taking care of business, and I'm simultaneously shit posting in here, other people hear me trolling people

And believe it or not, I've had situations where I was ridiculing today's younger generation of men...

generation 'whatever' The fuck you call it. You know who you are

I've been ridiculing some of you guys out in public, like at a grocery store, or a convenience store, for example

making fun of the video games
People standing in line ahead of me
parents...
brothers and sisters...
listening to me...

"You know all the cheat codes, but you've never seen a vagina in real life before"

and they've laughed.... they 'get it'
they know exactly who you guys are

everybody knows about you guys

So yeah, I really like phone fagging a lot
And after I got rid of all my computers
I've never really had a desire to get another computer

I'm still exploring the limits of mobile graphic, video and audio editing and creation, And they are actually challenging PCs

King Neptune on his porcelain throne

yank

lol what is it with you blokes?
what with your MATE and YANK homoerotic vocabularies?

Men actually don't MATE with other males

That's a very uncomfortable terminology

Do you even understand basic biology?

And furthermore, exactly which part of my body do you intend on YANKING?

because I'm feeling stranger danger right now

You guys are so weird
You're all born genetically effeminate
seriously... It's a genetic fact

You're all born limp-wristed, lisping, swishy sweet hips, effeminate in every discernible way...

And your women are all OVERLY MASCULINE

That was nature's Way of ensuring your males could achieve an erection

If you're women didn't look like men, you'd never be able to get wood

Even the way you talk is so effeminate, and weak, like a limp wash rag... It's like the overly flamboyant homosexuals who actually go out of their way to sound TOO gay... or the way niggers go out of their way to sound like niggers... It's much easier to just talk like a normal human being, but they bend over backwards to sound like idiots.

when your people speak, you sound effeminate

You go out of your way to sound like a woman

You guys are so fucking creepy, but I don't blame you personally... Like I said, everybody knows it's a genetic anomaly

there's a flaw in the protein strands of your DNA

That's why the entire world looks towards your nation with a collective "eewww"

according to my wife, this one particular app did the job right.

That's why if I decide to finish my creative project (I told you I started it when I was 11 fucking years old, but I never finished it) I'm going to use this app to supply me with the images of me in the story

(The cartoon I used to draw was about a James Bond type world class secret agent)

But He lived his life"undercover" in a very unlikely place: up on stage, like an Elvis Presley type celebrity

a rockstar... up on stage, touring the world...

and after the concerts, he would save the world from certain doom, like James Bond

That was the idea of my comic
I used to draw panels of it and Xerox them and sell them to kids at school

That's how the whole name thing started.. That's where I got the crazy name from

when you get arrested under bizarre circumstances, and the journalist sees you using a crazy "wacky sounding" name, it turns out they like to create "wacky sounding" news articles

But he never interviewed me at all. He never mentioned anything about the cartoon character when I was 11 years old.

He never mentioned that's my ART PSEUDONYM

He never mentioned I got hired by Warner Brothers under that art pseudonym

He never mentioned my own mother started calling me by that name when I was a teenager, because she realized everybody else was calling me that "wacky sounding" name...

Mom knew it was my art pseudonym, but she also knew I had somehow "become the character"

see what I'm saying?
So she started calling me Neptune

100% true
when I was a teenager, my Mom started calling me Neptune.

she knew. she knew what it was all about. she thought it was cool

they never mentioned anything about that in the article

instead, he tried to make it see WACKY

try to paint it out as if I was CRAZY

because the name...
All because the name...
I'm definitely crazy...
But when that bitch at dunkin' donuts tried stealing my phone, and broke the screen, I was FURIOUS

they never mentioned any of that

So yeah, as weird as it seems, I was about to sign my real name on the finished artwork for the magazine cover...

I had the pen in my hand, ready to sign it

And at the last second, I decided "I think I'll use the Neptune thing"

And as weird as it may sound, although the artwork was really good, and I was super proud of it, more people commented about my name than they mentioned the artwork.

I was 12 years old at that point...
at the age of 12, suddenly I had people giving me positive reactions to that NAME

they said 'It bounces in my mind" and shit like that

okay? understand? People were like " That name sounds like I've already heard it before"

" That name seems like you're already famous"

no shit.. That's the type of stuff people were telling me..

And I'm not stupid, so I continued using it in my art career

in the newspaper article, they like you to believe I'm a crazy lacko nut Job who goes around calling myself a crazy wacko name, a lunatic who thinks I have a crazy altar ego

But that's not true. It was just a pseudonym I used for my artwork

But here's the odd part:
here's the part that I would always laugh about over the years:

PEOPLE KNEW ME BY THAT NAME
and in a way, I had actually BECOME that person

It was more than just a pseudonym now, because everybody was calling me by that name, even my own mother

People who had nothing to do with my artwork, just friends of mine, everybody has always called me by that name

and quite honestly, as the years went by, nobody ever called me by my real name anymore, and whenever I would hear it, it seemed unfamiliar to me

So it was a real study in abnormal psychology: really unique criteria

becoming a character, because everybody knows you as that character, even though the entire thing was just originally a cartoon you used to draw when you were a kid

So I've been working on the story for years, and I think I'm about to finish it

at least I'm working on it again

So here's the weird part:

in the article, they painted me out as a lunatic "who thinks I'm somebody else", who goes by a crazy wacky name.

Not your average nickname...
But a weird wacky cartoon character sounding name

And although I don't think I'm somebody else, the truth of the matter is..

beginning at age 12, nobody called me by my real name anymore, and everybody called me the name of my cartoon character

very unusual circumstances, most people never experience

and at the age of 12, I was already taking LSD, going to parties at UGA with college kids, so the cartoon character name actually worked out really well for me...

And as I went through the formative teenage years into adulthood, my art clients weren't the only people referring to me by that pseudonym

EVERYBODY called me that name

and I quite literally 'became' Neptune

I know that sounds crazy
BUT NOT THE SAME KIND OF CRAZY IN THE NEWSPAPER ARTICLE

It's not the same type of crazy

This one is totally unique
It's actually a bizarre psychological experiment

they never mentioned anything about it in the article

inherently, because EVERYBODY referred to me as Neptune, in my mind, I indeed WAS Neptune

And all of my personal morals, sins and desires became those of this character Neptune.

The character I was playing in my life

The character being ME
And it seemed totally normal to me my entire life

I never really stopped to think how abstract it truly was: Even my own mother calling me Neptune

But that was never my legal name
My mother called me NEPTUNE

lol So I literally became Neptune
hahahaha
It seems crazy
But it's actually quite normal, at least it seemed that way to me

TRUE STORY:

when I was 18, I had a dream one night, a very vivid dream... One of those dreams where you can actually feel the emotions.. smell the smells. almost as if you can literally taste the dream

It was surrealistic, and unlike other dreams, when I woke up, I still remembered it in vivid detail:

in the dream, I was walking through a backstage area of a large concert arena, surrounded by bodyguards.

But instead of me being a celebrity surrounded by bodyguards, in the dream I realized I was part of the peripheral group

and walking in front of me was MY SON™

(I was 18, long before I ever had a child)

And I couldn't see my son's face, because I was walking directly behind him, but I could see the edge of his head

And in my dream, HE WAS THE STAR
I was his father, part of an entourage surrounding him, escorting him to the stage area of a concert arena

And in my dream, right before I woke up, I'll always remember:
I looked at the bodyguards, and they were all wearing the same tour jackets-

....................JET NEPTUNE
there was a graphic image, a circle of stars, like an old 1940s retro futuristic image, of an old corny futuristic 'jet spaceship' breaking through the circle of stars, and in an old 1940s font it said the name JET NEPTUNE

when I woke up, I told my girlfriend Joy about it, and as she was getting ready for work, she told me "You're crazy"

lol I can live with that

So when she left for work I grabbed a pen and paper, and I drew the design I saw on the tour jackets in my dream

I drew a large rendition of the image on a piece of Bristol board:

with the corny spaceship breaking through the circle of stars, and the old 1940s font JET NEPTUNE

in fact, I even painted the design on the back of a black motorcycle jacket as well

fast forward almost 20 years:
when jet's mother was pregnant with him, at the beginning, we didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl.

to be continued

of course as the years passed after that dream, all of my extended girlfriends knew the "jet Neptune dream" story

when we went for the sonogram, and they told her "It's a boy" she turned to me, and said the words I'll never forget as long as I live:

I can still hear it now..
....................."ITS JET"

isn't that wild?!!.. she knew my jet Neptune dream story, and when she found out she was bearing a boy in her womb, the first words out of her mouth were "ITS JET"

I was floored... I almost started crying, believe it or not

I had never asked her to name a child after my dream

she did it all on her own

IT WAS HER GIFT TO ME
And what a beautiful gift it was
Like I said
I almost cried

she had given me the greatest gift of all

she made that dream come full circle

FACTS: after he was born, when we were ready to leave the hospital, the fat wide load of hideous lard waddled into the room with a clipboard and said "So what's the name of the child?"

And when my wife said "JET NEPTUNE", The woman stopped and looked at the paper, and said "BUT THAT'S NOT YOUR NAME"

"YOUR LAST NAME'S NOT NEPTUNE"

(screeching tires sound effect)

So I interrupted, "yeah, but his name is going to be jet Neptune"

And that's when that fat pile of shit got all uppity with us...

"YOU WILL HAVE TO DECIDE ON A NAME, AND THAT CHILD IS NOT LEAVING THE HOSPITAL UNTIL YOU PICK THE RIGHT NAME! "

..... I swear to God
she was refusing to let him leave the hospital, because we wanted to name him jet Neptune

she was refusing to allow him that name

to be continued

I told you Im a super pain in the ass I'm the telephone, right?

well, I went straight home, picked up the telephone, and called THE DIRECTOR OF THE ENTIRE STATE OF GEORGIA OVERSEEING THE DEPARTMENT OF RECORDS AND VITAL STATISTICS

I didn't get a secretary.. I didn't get a receptionist.. I didn't reach out to an assistant or an associate...

I CONTACTED THE GODDAMN DIRECTOR

I told her my name (my real birth name, not the cartoon character) and my wife's name, and I told her the entire situation, about my dream when I was 18 years old, jet Neptune, the entire ball of wax

and the director told me
"I want you to take down this phone number. Go to the hospital and tell that woman HIS NAME IS JET NEPTUNE, And if she has a problem with it, give her my phone number"

......... And that's exactly what I did

when she heard me drop the name of the director over the entire state of Georgia, and hand her the director's personal number...

her face turned purple!!
she angrily wrote the name jet Neptune on the clipboard, angrily pulled the paper off the clipboard and tossed it at me and stormed out of the room

absolutely 100% true
every single word of that story is 100% true

So from the very beginning, instead of coming up with a cartoon character and adopting that name... He started his life with that name

(And honestly, I always thought JET was a much better prefix than JOHNNY)

So when he went to school as a kid, all the other children thought his name was SO COOL

All the adults got a kick out of it too
you'd be surprised how differently people like you if you have a catchy cool name

And now he's living his dreams
He's literally LITERALLY following his dreams

I couldn't be any more proud

his existence started as a uniquely surrealistic dream

And now he's an adult
following his dreams
dreaming up new ideas
and having the time of his life

Your generation is different than mine
So of course I'll never 100% be able to relate

But in your world.... He's having a BLAST!!!

I just accidentally destroyed a very expensive piece of cookware, like a goddamn idiot.

I wasn't paying attention, and I went into the back of the house, and I forgot to turn the burner down.

and some really REALLY good purple and red rice burned the fuck up in that pot, and it's destroyed

mother fuck!!!

God DAMMIT!!

That was stupid of me.

Who needs smart glasses, anyway?

Shit swallow, loser boy.

are you ready to take a journey?

fasten your safety belt!

...... The journey has begun!

..... truly THE most repugnant of journeys

the journey you'll wish you could forget

.... The journey into.....

oh my God!! OH MY GOD!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE???!!

It looks like he's got a little clitoris peeking out from a recessed cavern that's been carved into his pelvis

kind of like a snapping turtle, but more like a perplexing vagina

NOW I'M BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THE BIG TIT THING

youtu.be/FR311qXjaSA?si=dmgiLW7R4NIJLV20
special release for Goldwater fans lol

The gynecomastia mix

Jim wrote NEPUTE on the paper

stupid piece of shit

I'll be honest here, and make a confession:

in a way, I almost like Jim....
I know that sounds bizarre
But in a way, as weird and creepy and gross and effeminate and saggy and just generally inexperienced he is (He literally listens to elevator music, even worse than elevator music. Jim listens to the type of music shitty apps provide as background music.. watered down no name musician generic weak horrible instrumental garbage. And he doesn't know the difference between that and real music)

I almost like him...
And I like Ron a lot. Ron and I have always been cool with each other. He used to email me and shit. we haven't spoken since his failed run at Arizona senator.

The ones who really bothered me were the little parasites that attached themselves to Jim:

PHILIP FAIRBANKS

and MAJOR BURDOCK
(Major burdock's real name is Kevin Lauf, And he's like a hermaphrodite version of Elmer fudd come to life)

Major burdock was the douchebag who painted his face with the stupid green and brown army camouflage

hiding behind the stupid name 'major burdock', Even though he had absolutely no military background whatsoever. It was Philip and Major burdock who I hated, at THE GOLDWATER, but Diana the Filipino girl was okay in my book.

Jim is a CIA asset, an operative, believe it or not

And when I say CSA, it's actually probably more like the DIA, defense intelligence agency

And I'm not a conspiracy buff, far from it. I hate conspiracy theory fags

nope... This is definitely not a conspiracy theory, it's 100% true
JIM WATKINS IS A MILITARY INTELLIGENCE OPERATIVE And if you look into his background you'll know exactly what I'm talking about

That's why they let him get away with all that shit

Even with the congressional hearings and shit

That's why he's still allowing child porn to be posted on 8kun, And nobody says anything about it. That's why he got away with all the sex with underage boys in Manila

I'll put it this way:

at least Jim could take the joke

All of his little parasitic underlings got really bent out of shape by me

they let me get under their skin, but Jim maintained a level head about it, so there's that.

pretty little sissy major burdock proclaimed himself the avenger against Neptune, and tried to make an example out of me

It didn't work out very well for him...

It really didn't...
The Goldwater went belly up if I'm not mistaken

It was the lamest retard fag show on The entire internet

then again, I wouldn't be surprised if they still had dipshit Phillip and burdock wasting their lives keeping that website up and running

((It turns out they weren't really getting paid, and for example, Philip was doing all the work, simply for a place to live in Manila)

He was more concerned about his mother being able to say her son was a "journalist" then he was concerned about being able to buy nice things

He's such an effeminate bitch. his biceps are literally smaller than my wrists

I'm not joking. I've got photographs somewhere. He got in a wreck and had to wear a neck brace lol And the photographs of him without a shirt were laughable

his arms literally looks like pencils
I'm not lying
imagine an old civil war photograph
of the way you could see their ribs through their skin, and their shoulders became small and pointy, with the bone pointing through

and the pencil arms

That's exactly what Philip Fairbanks looks like without a shirt

lol

And he also HATED ME
HE HATED ME!!
I wonder why

yep... I really didn't mind Jim that much, it was the creepy little bags at THE GOLDWATER who I enjoyed bothering the most

imagine opening some cheesy app off the Google Play store, targeted towards teenage girls, a 'one-click' video editing app...

now imagine the cheesy music they provide as background tracks for your stupid videos.

picture one of those cheesy musical interludes called "SPRING SERENADE"

...... well
THATS the type of music Jim Watkins listens to

He literally doesn't know the difference between real music and that type of schmaltzy elevator crap that doesn't require any licensing rights

THAT'S THE TYPE OF MUSIC HE LISTENS TO

He's extremely fucking creepy

But he's definitely protected by military intelligence, that's for damn sure

when that reporter from VICE named Elle showed up unexpectedly at Jim's house in Manila, there were undressed teenage boys in the room with Jim

Jim completely flipped out because one of his Filipino teenage housekeepers thought she was an expected guest, and he allowed her to walk into the house.

she walked in and caught Jim with some teenage boys

But he never gets in trouble because they're using him somehow. I'm not quite sure of the parameters, but obviously with his background and history, obviously he's under their wing somehow

And I'm not suggesting she called Jim having sex with teenage boys. That's not what happened

But there was definitely some reference to Jim having unclothed young men in the room with him

He's a very creepy guy

by the way, I don't have anything against gay people

I'm not homophobic, and I don't dislike gays, in fact some of my very coolest friends are complete faggots

So it's not the 'teenage boys' That bothers me about Jim

IT'S THE SHITTY MUSIC HE LISTENS TO

its his 'TEXT PROMPT AI IMAGE' feature he has in his stupid proto app, or whatever the fuck he calls it

The lowest quality AI graphics available
The slowest dumbest learning model, I suppose?

It's horrible, and he creates horrible pictures of little dogs over and over, and now he's an artist (little tiny yappy dogs are the surest sign of a weird man)

those are the type of dogs fat old women like

oops.. I forgot
Jim Watkins is indeed a fat old woman

Jim's nipples drag on the sidewalk
If you look in those pictures I posted earlier, HE'S WEARING A GIRDLE UNDERNEATH HIS GRAY SHIRT

those yoga photos?
HE'S WEARING A WOMAN'S GIRDLE

So you're telling me I should let some guy in an emo band take a shit into my mouth?

......... I'll think about it

In the deep hush of twilight,
Johnny Neptune sails,
eyes like ocean depths,
whispers of waves in his laughter.

With a trident of dreams,
he dances on the tide,
guiding lost boats home,
under starlit skies,
where sea meets sky,
and wishes float like foam.

Ode to a wanderer,
in the heart of the swell,
a beacon of wonder
in every ripple,
forever the sailor,
of stories untold.

go fuck your son in the ass boomer blogger faggot

Goddamn. Really getting a lot of work done today you geriatric hack.
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Holy shit. Shut up.

Do you fantasize about gay sex with ALL men?...

or is it just me and my son?

are you flirting with us again?

I'm not working today. I'm not doing any artwork today at all.

My wife and I had to go do some of our 'animal rescue' thing early this morning. But other than that, I'm free this afternoon.

I'm not currently working on any art job, but that will soon change.

imagine walking in the door of a new restaurant or nightclub that's going to be opening in a few weeks.

imagine walking up to the owner who you've never met, and introducing yourself by saying "hello. I'm the guy who's going to be painting your murals"

now imagine the owner asking you, "what murals?"

................ That's what I do

I can pick and choose when and where I want, and where and when I don't want

(That's my famous opening line, because of course they're going to say "what murals?")

of course that's what they're going to say

which is when I've always responded, "I thought you'd never ask!"

And then I would start pointing at their blank walls, rubbing my chin like I'm in consternation, while gesturing with my arm, explaining the artistic vision I see on their walls.

"I'm picturing a trippy cyber scene, with sexy robotic women on the dance floor, and laser beams with lens flares and rim lighting, multiple light sources, and a forced perspective. real trippy"

now imagine me walking out the door 3 minutes later with a check in my hand

after having only met the owner 5 minutes ago

can you imagine that?
You want to teach yourself how to paint and draw.
It's the best job in the world.
seriously. getting paid to be weird and creative on your own rules is THE BEST GIG ON EARTH

something tells me your picturing me naked again... what did I tell you about that?

by the way, since you obviously don't have a job (Friday is a work day) I would be remiss if I failed to mention:

HOW TO EARN $7,000 IN 4 DAYS:
Like I said, you walk into the door and introduce yourself, and sell a mural job to a restaurant, nightclub, or other business

you'll have to make sure they can tell that you're capable of executing quality artwork, simply by talking to you

because a portfolio isn't as important as KNOWING HOW TO CLOSE A DEAL

once you get a 50% down payment of $3,500, draw the design on a piece of paper with a ballpoint pen.

later that night, take an overhead projector and shine your artwork onto the wall. use a fine tipped sharpie marker to trace your own lines, to draw your own artwork on a gigantic scale on the wall.

now go home and go to sleep

The next morning, go to home Depot and spend $120 on quarts of BEHR™ premium exterior semi-gloss paint

Red, yellow, blue, white and black
those are the colors
You will be using to mix
The spectrum of colors

now use a roller pad to fill in the basic background color following your own lines, just like a huge coloring book on a wall

once all of the background areas have been filled in with their base colors, use a paintbrush to start bringing in highlights and fine details, light and shadow

I told you 4 days, right?....
It will actually only take you ONE DAY OF WORK

But you'll want to split it up and take your time, stretch it out, and make it last four days

(clients don't like paying $7,000 for somebody to do something quickly in one afternoon. they prefer to see you actually work on it)

So take your time.
light and shadow
tonal value and hue
Make sure it looks good...
Don't cut any corners

now on the fourth day tell your client "I'm done, and I'll be taking my other 50% deferred payment now"

IT'S THE EASIEST AND MOST ENTERTAINING JOB ON EARTH

of course you didn't even pay attention to the SHARPIE MARKER part

The reason you 'Trace your own lines' from the projector using a sharpie marker is simple:

It bleeds through several layers of paint

So you'll still be able to see your lines through the paint

Like I said, in one full day, you could easily paint a cool mural on a big wall

But you're going to want to stretch it out for at least a few days

It depends on how much money you're getting

The more money they give you, the longer you want to pretend you're working on it

stretch it out, fiddle faddle, stop and think a lot. listen to lots of music, spend your time stretching the job out.

But it's really not a lot of work at all
If you follow the steps I just gave you
You can earn $7,000 in just a few days

maybe 4 days...

let them see you work a little bit...
That's something you're not familiar with
working

using only Behr™ red, yellow, blue, white and black paint, You can mix almost any color under the rainbow

(most people don't understand paints and pigments... This is the part where you finally learn about paints and pigments)

see, there are lots and lots of paint companies out there, Sherwin-Williams, Glidden, etc etc

But most people don't realize those companies don't make colors. nope

The only thing they make is CLEAR VEHICLE to which pigment is added, but they don't make the pigments themselves.

nope. It turns out there are only TWO COMPANIES that make pigments for house paint:

one company makes the pigments EVERYONE... they make the pigments for Sherwin-Williams, and for Glidden, and even those specialty Christian Dior type bullshit paints. All of those pigments are supplied by ONE COMPANY

That's why they all look exactly the same

however, the other pigment company is BEHR™

BEHR™ makes their own proprietary pigments for their paint, and they don't let any other company use their colors

If you go to home Depot, and compare the swatches between Glidden and Behr™, you'll instantly see the difference!!

bright vibrant reds, deep brilliant blues, and yellows that don't look cakey and washed out.

(The other pigment company uses CLAY, which gives everything a muddy look, quite literally)

BEHR™ colors are bright and accurate, almost close enough for Pantone comparison, but of course not quite

(Do you even know what Pantone is?)

That's why if you're charging somebody thousands of dollars to paint some silly shit on their wall, you could at least use THE VERY BEST PAINT

BEHR™

(also, Behr paint is more UV protective, and lasts much much longer outside on exterior jobs)

Red is always the first color to break down under the sun. you'll see old Coca-Cola advertisements where all the red is faded away

but Behr™ red paint LAST FOR YEARS, but Glidden and Sherwin-Williams red paints break down and look horrible within 6 months

here's a little secret you might enjoy learning:

when you're selling the job, always get 50% down payment, don't lift a finger until you have 50% of the money in your hand.

Tell your clients That covers all materials

If you're thinking materials are going to be expensive, you might be surprised

you'll walk out of the door spending anywhere between $120 and $160

That's it...
That's all you'll need to paint a big ass wall

Don't get in a situation where you have to show receipts for materials

they will be upset if they see you only spent $120

So that's your business, not theirs

Just ask for 50% upfront, and tell them "This deposit covers all materials. I'll be needing the other 50% when I'm finished with the job"

and always SIGN A CONTRACT

well, come to think of it, I've only worked on canvases lately with oils and acrylics

I recently painted a big logo on an interior wall for a real estate company, but I used acrylic paints that you would use on a canvas.

So right now, with the economy the way it is, for all I know the prices at home Depot have gone up

But by simply buying a little bit of red paint, a little yellow, and a little blue paint...

You can mix purple and orange and green and brown, adding white or black to make it lighter or darker

with just those five colors
red yellow blue white and black
You can pretty much execute any color

unless there's a specialty color in the job
like a certain magenta in their logo
or some other bright specific specialty color

And that's purchased in tiny little amounts, cuz you won't need much

So you'll walk out the door from home Depot barely spending anything out of that 3500 down payment

THATS HOW TO MAKE $7,000 IN 4 DAYS

(And you don't even really need to be an artist, because anybody can do it. Like I said, it's a giant coloring book, but you're simply filling in YOUR OWN LINES that you traced off an overhead projector one night while the client was asleep)

nobody tells you when to work
nobody tells you how to work
You do whatever the fuck you want to do
If you don't feel like working You're not working that day.

"I'm just not feeling it today"

It's the only job where you're allowed to make those decisions

"I think I'd rather have sex and get high today, and I'll show up tomorrow when I feel like it"

And your client will tell all of his hourly employees, "Don't bother that guy. Just let him do whatever he's doing"

quite honestly I'm not even sure where the behr corporation makes its pigments, whether it's in America or not. I really don't know

For all I know, the price of house paint has gone up with the tariffs, I really just don't know

Does Andy sell his poop? I've checked the merchandise website but no luck.

The funniest part?

You don't even realize he actually flies people around the world.

I'm not joking at all...
I don't think I'm supposed to be talking about it

But then again, he never specifically told me not to talk about this in public

HE FLIES PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD

JUST SO THEY CAN TRAVEL TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND EXPLORE THE WORLD

HE PAYS FOR IT OUT OF HIS POCKET!!!

(And he's not even going with them. He's busy working. He sends them to explore the world and explore their dreams in other countries)

when's the last time you paid for somebody to go travel the world?

seriously... You would need a step ladder just to stick your tongue in his ass hole

because quite honestly
You ain't shit

I ordered some, but nothing ever showed up.

I should have known that Andy wasn't in the Philippines

the day you Begin flying people to other countries, just so they can go explore the world...

be sure to let me know....

But until that day arises... You can literally eat the shit as it slides out of my ancient asshole, ass hairs and all, and deepthroat it before you swallow, bitch

I want to watch you give one of my turds some deep throat

You ain't shit

I really liked the Trident of dreams part

I think I might even use that
If you don't mind

would you be offended if I used that?

RE: SHUT THE FUCK UP

I've been having people say that exact same thing to me for many, many years

I'm not sure why I keep hearing it, why I keep seeing it in print

was it something I said?

is there something about me that rubs you the wrong way?

what can I do to make you happier?

I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY

(I would literally sit on your chest until you kissed my crotch, and there's not a goddamn thing you could do about it)

in fact, it would be so easy to make you kiss my crotch through my pants

Just so you could breathe again
I'd get all Derek chauvin up in this bitch

Some serious bot posting up in this thread.

here's a strange coincidence, for probably 25 years now, I've been telling people "Open your mouth as one of my turds slowly slides down the back of your throat and give it some deep throat before you swallow"

long before I ever knew you existed

I think that's kind of coincidental
That's usually not the average person's famous catchphrase

But that's been my signature catchphrase for many many years.. how coincidental

That's because you're a douchebucket

And you're always the last one to find out when something is cool

You're always the last one to join the bandwagon

And I'm not joking, by the way.

Even an asshole like you must admit it's pretty fucking cool of him to pay out of pocket for people to travel the world and fulfill their wildest dreams.

He doesn't talk about it because he's actually a very humble guy

He's got his head screwed on tight, unlike me

unlike me, he's not abstract and weird and stoned

He's sober and logical and honorable. He's got a lot of integrity, and he's a really good man.

But yeah, even you have got to admit it's pretty admirable "gifting people" dream vacations across Europe.

I doubt you would do it, even if you could afford it something tells me you're too selfish to do something like that

there's no way in hell you would ever offer to pay for somebody else to go travel the world while you stayed at home working

Not in a million yearsxk

Gord Brody (Tom Green) is a struggling cartoonist trying to pitch an animated show to Hollywood executives. When he fails, he returns to his hometown with no choice but to live with his parents and younger brother, Freddy (Eddie Kaye Thomas). His father (Rip Torn) doesn't approve of Gord's career path, and pressures him to gain independence. As father and son exchange barbs, Gord comes up with a lie that changes everything: He claims his dad is molesting Freddy, leading to drastic consequences.

Do you know what a wife is? I realize you're unfamiliar with heterosexual relationships, so maybe you've never heard of this before:

a "wife" is a woman who loves you so much, she literally invests her existence into your existence.

she integrates her life into your life, the individuals now becoming a single unit, a team, "Just you and me against the world", a partner in crime, an equal, a team member, your biggest supporter, and they've got your back, even when you're wrong.

well, I've got one of those...
unlike you, I have a beautiful brilliant woman who's about to get off work, and she'll be headed home soon, so although I had a GLORIOUS time doing superfluous stream of consciousness bullshit in this thread, I'm afraid the time has come for me to clean up a little bit around the house.

scrape the feces off the countertops, put all the black hair dye away, and sweep up all these BVB song lists strewn across my floor.

adieux, my frustrated impotent control freak acquaintance!

I've never seen Freddy got fingered. is it any good? honestly, I've never been a super huge fan of Tom Green. He was pseudo funny almost a little bit kind of for a very brief time, but not really. turns out he's not particularly funny in my book, and after the disgusting marriage to Drew Barrymore? yuck

I don't have much respect for anybody who could get an erection for Drew Barrymore

she's gross as fuck

But if You think it's a good movie, I'll watch it

get a job

however, I am a super super huge ripped torn fan. He's magnificent, One of the best things about men in Black..

well, maybe that's not fair

because quite honestly, Men in Black was actually PERFECT IN ALMOST EVERY WAY

It really was... The original Men in Black was pretty much solid gold all the way through, from top to bottom

But yeah, rip torn is super cool.
And yeah, for some reason, I've never figured it would be a very good movie

I never really had any interest in it, and it's pretty much all because of Tom Green

He stopped being funny about 15 minutes into his career

That's what I keep telling these guys in here, but they don't seem to realize

THEY can be their own job
they certainly each have a unique specialized skill, something they're just naturally good at, something other people would pay money for.

offer their services, charge a lot of money and give them high quality work

whatever their particular skill may be, of course they definitely got at least one natural gift they can charge money for

It doesn't have to be artwork. they could be sucking dick for all I care

He's a party clown

partly clowny with a 100% chance of pain

Do you want to know what REALLY PISSED ME OFF?...

I came up with the term "tumbleweave" All by myself, a long, long time ago, back when we first started seeing black women's weaves blowing down the street

It was completely original on my part, just popped into my head "TUMBLEWEAVE"

then, a few years later I saw the term tumbleweave online

And now everybody uses it

THAT REALLY REALLY PISSED ME OFF

(You wouldn't know the difference between a bot or your butt, even if somebody crammed their penis into it)

get a job

hello. My name is Andy, and I'm the one who developed that bot.

I put a lot of work into it, and I'm just testing it out today, a trial run to make sure it's personable and affable

(The last version had glitches, and kept calling everybody in here a gaming chair faggot)

So I made a few tweaks here and there, and this is the new improved version

how do you like it so far?

trust me.. I will...
they always pop up

these days, I don't even go out there knocking on their doors anymore. these days, it's word of mouth

(And it doesn't hurt to have a few exceptional clients [wealthy] that have wanted repeat projects)

one in particular, who has been my primary client for the past year or more

speaking of which:
exactly what is your natural talent?
complaining?
sitting in front of a computer?

exactly what natural skill do you have?

Just watched the Freddy got fingered trailer

IT'S HORRIBLE
It's even worse than I expected

lol ABSOLUTE GARBAGE
NOTHING EVEN VAGUELY FUNNY

today's a very special day, because at least once a week, every few days or so, my nose produces works of art.

I've had my nose broken four times, but the fourth time, I never went to the doctor to have it reset

And it healed wrong, so my left nostril is occluded.

If I breathe in really deeply and hard through my nostrils, only my right nostril would close, because the left nostril is occluded.

So every few days, the snot collects in my left sinus passage, and It dries up, and once it dries, it begins to shrink a little bit, and it tickles.

And I can literally pull a work of art out of my left nostril

It's a reverse cast of my sinus passage

today is a very special day!
I BET YOU'RE SUPER AMPED ABOUT IT, HUH?

get a job

can you believe I actually show those nostril sculptures to my wife all the time?

can you believe I have created 'altars', and placed my nostril sculptures on a little pedestal, and put it in the living room from my wife before?

can you believe she's still married to me?

Even more importantly, isn't it weird that you would never show a woman your nostril sculptures, because you are above that type of low class behavior...

yet I'm the one with the wife

isn't that ironic? I find it remarkably ironic, which is why I mentioned it.

I grew up in Memphis, a long time ago, back when Memphis was actually GREAT CITY...

back then, it was the perfect place for a white American child to grow up

these days? It's the most dangerous shit hole in the entire country, the most dangerous goddamn city in America.

anyway, I used to live across the way from Graceland, and I went to a school called Graceland elementary.

That school's no longer there
they tore it down.
It was behind the Graceland mansion

in that neighborhood behind the mansion

But anyway, when my brother and I would walk to school in the mornings, we used to see Elvis Presley riding his daughter's golf cart around in his front yard

Believe it or not I can still see it now, One day he was basically hanging off the side of the golf cart, obviously fucked up on drugs, about to fall off.

But I didn't realize it was drugs when I was a kid. I didn't realize why he would be hanging on the golf cart like that.

A couple years later I decided I wanted to draw a picture for Elvis, a picture of his mother.

button For some reason, I let my mother talk me out of it, she told me, "they're not going to let you bring a picture to Elvis"

(years later, I discovered my mother was wrong. I probably had a pretty good chance of meeting him, even though I was just a little kid)

we moved to Atlanta around the same time Elvis committed suicide

And once he died, I realized "damn it, now I'll never be able to draw a picture for Elvis"

And when I was 12, I saw him an advertisement in the paper, Jerry Lee Lewis playing live in concert

So a light bulb went off over my head.
"If I can't paint for Elvis, I can paint Elvis for people who knew him"

And that's how I started painting Elvis Presley portraits for celebrities