Requesting help from a bunch of bitchless virgins (you guys)

be me

recently reconnect with my ex (one of my closest friends)

go out to the mall with her, her bf, and her best friend

celebrate ex's birthday at a nice Korean BBQ restaurant

have 2-3 drinks at dinner

go to Dave and Buster's after dinner

have 3-4 drinks

ex gets sad/sloppy drunk

her bf is talking to her

me (hammered) and ex's friend (designated driver) are left alone with one another

there's romantic/sexual history between us as well

talking ab how we're feeling bad for my ex

at some point I say, "you just like to pretend like you don't like me"

she admits that's true

attempt an intricate secret handshake

whiff on the fist bump and punch her directly in the tit

she tells ex and ex's bf that I "felt her up"

i made it very clear that I do not feel bitches up with the back of my hand or without consent

ex's friend and I ironically(?) call each other pet names the entire drive home

ex's friend gives me a big hug goodnight and we all part ways

Does this bitch want to have sex with me?

Oh and picrel is what I looked like punching my ex's friend in the tit

lol you're not getting that pussy

she doesn't like you

awww too bad, faggot

She literally admitted she likes me you would know that if you read the post

let me have her number

she's done with you
but I still have a shot with her

but she's FUCKING OTHER GUYS

hahahahaha
keep masturbating, little boy

by the way, MCDONALD'S IS HIRING

Lolvis bot has started to downplay its usual rants. Hard to focus with all that meth in your brain?

You should right hook her in the face next time and update us

I'm fucking other girls, I'm not trying to date her I'm trying to hit that fat ass from the back sicko style

I went to prison for hospitalizing a man half my age and twice my size!

you'd need to perform a tracheotomy on yourself with a ballpoint pen, sissyboy

I might even use my cock to sink in the chokehold I'd have you in

I most certainly DID.....

absolutely true... you stupid fucking idiot

again:

you can't fuck
you can't fight
and you can't support yourself

you unemployed lazy MOOCH

BURGER KING IS HIRING, BUM

The other girl I'm fucking said my ex's friend is flirting with me

NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR EMPTY FANTASES

ARBY'S IS HIRING
YOU LAZY MOOCH

I have a job I'm employed by the government

AGAIN, MOOCH:

GET A JOB

women DONT like you
get a JOB you sack of shit

I have a job (with the government)

govt employee

not a mooch

Pick one

ARBY'S........

GO THERE AND FILL OUT AN APPLICATION

I didn't say I'm not a mooch I said I have a job (I didn't pay for shit at the Korean BBQ)

you get no pussy
you have no job
and you live with your mother

YOURE A PARASITE

you can't fuck
women don't like you

you can't fight
Mr. titty punch sissyboy

and you can't support yourself
you're a fucking TAPEWORM

I pound tortas
I work for the government
And I have a humble apartment in town that I live in

I ended up in the Georgia Department of Corrections for Aggravated Assault

beating up a guy half my age
and he was twice as big as me

he was punching a girl in the face

I stopped him

MCDONALD'S IS HIRING, YOU LONELY MASTURBATING MOOCH

So Burger King, McDonald's, and Arby's are all hiring? That's great, but I'm sorry. If I can't get that sweet Wendy's gig, I'd rather just starve to death in a ditch.

I got the Wendy gig

I married her

keep in mind that in Georgia, aggravated assault is the equivalent of attempted murder

Wendys nuts hit your chin

Nice. That reminds me of the time I pulled up next to a white boy in the men's room. Now I didn't look but he made it a thing, know what I'm saying? He said, "Hey, is your girlfriend's name Wendy too?"
You know I thought, this white boy trippin'. Why is he asking me such a dumbass question?
So I said, "No. Why do you ask?"
He said, "Well I couldn't help but notice that you had the same tattoo on your penis that I have on mine."
I looked down at my flaccid member and I could see the W and the Y. Since he brought it up I figured it wasn't any more weird to look over at his. Sure enough, on his penis he also had a W and a Y tattooed.
He said, "Yeah, when it's hard you can see the letters in between. It has my girlfriend's name, Wendy."
Then I just laughed. I said, "No, my girlfriend's name is not Wendy. When my penis is hard, you can see that my tattoo says, 'Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day."

I'd say Wendy doesn't have any nuts but here you are with trips so I guess I'm sucking off Wendy now. Well-played, Anon. Well-played.

You got it wrong.....
You got the entire joke wrong....

My penis tattoo says SHORTEE
But when it gets hard, it says
SHORTSTOPS CAFETERIA AND GIFT SHOP, CHATTANOOGA TENNESSEE

get it right, or don't do it at all

Is your ex's friend named Wendy?

get it right, or don't do it at all

I heard the Wendy/ Jamaica joke decades before you were even born, young lady. "Shortee" was not a word we were using back then.

If you're so old and Jamaican what's the one ting Nancy cyant understand?

Does this bitch want to have sex with me?

having sex with the cuck

Lol, your clitty will never see a vigina ever again.

Never said I was Jamaican. Just old.
I'm sure it's a Nancy Reagan joke and it even sounds familiar but I don't remember the fucking punch line at the moment.

true story:

Wendy was a 'lipstick lesbian' for 11 years, until the day I met her

she hates that term: "lipstick lesbian"
but I use it specifically to describe that Wendy was a FEMININE Lesbian

not a bitch lesbian

she had grown disenchanted with men
and for 11 years she had been exclusively fucking college girls in California

until the day I met her
30 minutes after meeting each other
I was fucking Wendy in the ass

100% true

It's not a joke it's Bam Bam by Sister Nancy

youtube.com/watch?v=a9OopCd1gpE

Well it seems Jamaican and like I said, I'm not Jamaican. That being said, I am old enough to remember both Nancy Kerrigan and Nancy Reagan so there's that.

I've got pubic hairs older than you.........

100% true

and the original joke was SHORTEE
back from the old "Chattanooga Choo Choo days"

the joke was SHORTEE

"SHORTSTOPS CAFETERIA AND NOVELTY SHOP, DOWNTOWN CHATTANOOGA TENNESSEE"

My two best work friends are a married Jamaican couple, great people

I used to be in a group chat called Chattanooga Poo Poo

proof that SHORTEEis the original:

simple....
"shortee" is the ENTIRE SET-UP

"w & y" has no correlation with penis size, which is the entire premise of the joke

"SHORTEE" is the original joke....
trust me

........ And even better yet, with the original joke, there's no need to come up with looking at another guy's penis in a bathroom.. That's all needless, superfluous, wasted frivolous content, that doesn't get to the punchline.

"w and y" has nothing to do with penis length

SHORTEE is what makes it funny
without that reference to a short penis, the joke isn't even funny

It's only funny after the juxtaposition of SHORTEE and the Loquacious revised version on an erect penis

Sorry Lolvis. I didn't realize you were the one trying to call me out haha.
Well I'll just say this: it's kind of hard to really prove one way or the other which joke is actually older.

........ lol you didn't realize it's me™?

That's a first!! I go out of my way to make it obvious who I am, so I don't need to use anything in the name field

You actually seem like a pretty good guy

And the original joke is definitely shorty

trust me... It's from the 1940s

"W(?)y"

"SHORT(?)EE"

What you just said doesn't make any sense. You've got a number of characters whether it's one or multiple to start and finish the text and then an indeterminate number of characters in between.
In the Wendy/ Jamaica joke, both men's penises are flaccid because they are peeing. The middle text is revealed when either penis is erect.
It's pretty simple to extrapolate the fact that both men are growers, not showers.

Fair play.

I understand the premise of both versions

however, in the original version, the tattoo actually INDICATES DIMINUTIVE GENITALIA...

in the Jamaican version, the letters Y and W don't have anything to do with penis size

The entire joke is based on the difference in length, from flaccid to erect

The Jamaican version It doesn't have any indicators about penis size

W and Y have no correlation to penis size

The thing that made the joke funny back in the 1940s was the word SHORTEE

That's the entire setup of the joke
That's the initial setup
and the punchline comes immediately after

there's no distractions about bathrooms, looking at each other's dicks, dating the same woman..

those are not elements of the joke

The joke is very simple:
one word becomes a long sentence when the penis becomes erect

It's really just that simple

two interesting things I'd like to mention, completely off topic:

1: I learned that joke from an old coot, a morbidly obese, mean, vicious, abrasive, berating, HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING Who happened to be one of my best friends... He was so mean and vicious, but that was just a smoke screen, because Larry Hobbs was actually THE SWEETEST NICEST GUY YOU'LL EVER MEET ... He was old as fuck, and really really old school... He's the one who taught me that joke, it's from the 1940s, and shorty was the original version

(Larry was mean as fuck, but he was actually just joking around, because he was actually SUPER FUCKING NICE, And he paid me a shitload of money to do a reproduction painting of the Marilyn Monroe scene for him, and I'll look for that picture on my SD card somewhere)

2: when I was a kid, I could paint and draw anything, people, faces, animals, forced perspectives, illustrating came easily to me... But every time I tried drawing LETTERS... It looked wrong... I would measure everything off carefully, but it always still LOOKED WRONG for some reason... So I went to a sign shop and volunteered to help out, asking nothing in return, telling them I simply wanted to learn about HOW TO DO LETTERING CORRECTLY

Lucky me.... I befriended another MEAN VICIOUS OLD COOT REDNECK FAT ASS ASSHOLE GUY ....

Just like Larry Hobbs, This guy was old and fat and MEAN !!!!

(And he also designed the original waffle House logo, the simple logo you still see to this day, so simple, yet so effective)

The guy who designed the waffle House logo TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO LETTERING CORRECTLY

two old fat mean vicious pitbulls
two old assholes
those of them had hearts of gold

when you were young, it's important to learn from older people

because people your own age have nothing to teach you, whatsoever

I found it...

Larry Hobbs (the guy who taught me the shortee joke) paid me a couple thousand bucks after I painted this for him

Larry was rich as fuck.. He asked me to paint this reproduction of an existing Marilyn Monroe painting, and I told him, "I don't paint reproductions of other people's artwork" , but Larry refused to listen... He insisted "I WANT YOU TO PAINT IT FOR ME"

He wouldn't take no for an answer
He also never mentioned anything about money

He was my buddy
he was a COMPLETE ASSHOLE!!!!
HE WAS RUDE AND MEAN AND VICIOUS!!!

But he was actually the nicest guy... That was all just a bunch of bullshit

He was mean to people to keep them away from him... treated everybody like shit just to scare them and keep them away

because the real Larry Hobbs was a sweet nice guy

notice I painted his name on the window of the door in the background "Hobbs' apothecary"

when I was finished, he liked it so much he gave me a couple thousand dollars cash

Larry died many years ago.. He was cool as fuck

oops I forgot to post the painting

notice I painted Hobbs apothecary on the window in the background, a tribute to Larry Hobbs

people your own age have nothing to teach you, whatsoever

Respectfully disagree on this one. I understand where it's coming from + it might even be true on average, but as a blanket statement it's not entirely accurate. In fact there are younger people than myself who I have learned things from.

Everything else in that post, real shit! Absolutely rings true and speaks to a lifetime of experience. This kind of quality content is why I keep coming back to Anon Babble.

Pretty fucking amazing!

The old coot who designed the waffle House logo? He taught me the secret to lettering:

ROUND LETTERS ARE TALLER THAN SQUARE LETTERS

I had been making my round letters the same height as the square letters

That's why it always looked wrong

I didn't realize
The round letters have to be slightly bigger than the other letters

or the eye will not read it correctly

well, I was speaking in generalistic terms, of course

trust me, I've been at badass rape parties, and happened to eavesdrop on conversations happening behind me, incredibly scientific technical conversations, about physics and pharmacology... only to turn around and realize it was a 13-YEAR-OLD KID...

some of those rave kids were smart as shit!!!

But generally speaking, what I'm talking about is my own life, my own past history, And when I was a kid, I realized none of the other kids my age knew about the things I wanted to understand

So I started hanging out with older people

Believe it or not, at the age of 12 and 13, I was going to college parties at UGA

I was taking LSD with college students at the age of 12, and hanging out in their dorm parties and shit, learning how they behaved, learning how they interacted with women

I pretty much started hanging out exclusively with older people

I had buddies my own age, but I didn't really reconnect with them until after I was 15 years old, and I had already been hanging out with adults for the past 3 years, taking LSD and having conversations with adult women...

And when I was 15 years old, I got hired as a doorman at a nightclub called HEDGENS in Buckhead Atlanta...

The owner never even asked me how old I was when he offered me the job... He probably thought I was 30, but I was only 15 years old.

and a couple days after celebrating my 16th birthday, I was working there at the nightclub, standing at the door when a beautiful blonde came walking out of the club, grabbed me by the arm, dragged me to her car, and we lived together for 4 years.

And I attribute all of that
to hanging out with older people
instead of hanging out with the kids my own age

there's nothing amazing about my existence so far. in fact, it's blemished beyond repair, less than stellar being my best possible goal...

however, I've had a fucking BLAST!!!!!!

I'VE LITERALLY HAD A FUCKING BLAST!!!

lol I tend to forget about Max....

Max was going to the University of Georgia, Athens UGA

He was dating a beautiful blonde girl named Kim

And I was just a weird 12-year-old LSD head

And he befriended me
He took me under his wing
And suddenly I was going to UGA college parties at the age of 12

And because Max stood up for me, All of his friends accepted me as well

they all embraced me and allowed me into their circle

And we were all dropping LSD and partying our asses off

going to UGA frat parties and drinking myself blind at the age of 13

going to concerts and having that girl Claire try to take my virginity when I was 13, but I turned her down... because I had a crush on a specific girl...

(lol a trait that I lost quite quickly once I lost my virginity to Lori McClendon)

going to all of those college parties when I was just a little kid

they embraced me and allowed me into their inner circle

I had nothing to learn from other 12-year-olds, because I was busy learning how college people partied

Ridiculous situations like this make me so fucking glad I am married and gave up drinking.

This sounds fucking exhausting.

That's what makes life fun

It's the bipolarcoaster ride that we always look back on with fondness

Not the silky smooth sections
those are quickly forgotten
It's life's rough hemlines that we remember as golden memories

I'd give anything to have some more of those adventures right now, even though I'm quite content with the married life

..... Max and I ended up being in a band together after I grew up......

(I think I'm going to text Max right now and thank him for playing such a big role in my life when I was a kid, letting me go to UGA parties with him and shit)

youtu.be/w4Sunw-fPKQ?si=gfHiHW-ynJmQ6kTT

A good example:

My brother specialized in pissing me off
He could piss me off like nobody else
there were times I wanted to literally ring his fucking neck

I wanted to strangle him!! He was such an asshole to me!!!

He got murdered in a robbery gone wrong

I'd give ANYTHING to have him piss me off right now

oddly enough, I've noticed an interesting phenomenon in life...

when looking back on the funniest, fondest memories....

I realized they were all BAD EXPERIENCES at the moment

It's those rough crazy hard times that I always look back on the most fondly

Not the good times....
I don't even remember the good times...
there were tons and tons of good times

But oddly enough....
I don't remember any of them

It's only the times that I was facing ADVERSITY That became the fond memories of the future

in life, the things that we perceive as being FUN are only 'fun' AFTERWARDS

Like a terrifying roller coaster, for example

The things we perceive as being FUN were actually terrifying while they were happening... But we somehow survived it

and in retrospect....
we look back and perceive it as FUN TIMES