What's the chaotic good way to handle a fairy that's constantly insulting and bullying a warrior?

That’s fucking barbaric

It’s not about getting off on it, it’s about convenience, it’s inconvenient to carry around a jar all day and fart in it

We both know how this ends...

Also, sorry for scaring you off yesterday.

Stop being a bullying little cunt then, my first inclination was to do what I always do with annoying critters flying around my head and persistently annoying me. Getting shoved in the fart jar is better than being slapped to death and scraped off on a tree trunk.
It's not like I'm continually preparing the jar anon, my bet is that once the fairy has been stuck in a fart jar once, she don't want to enter it again and thus modify her behavior.

Fuck you asshole, just because you can’t take a little prank doesn’t give you the right to suffocate me, and if you think a little gas will get me to stop you’re sorely mistaken

You did not scare, just got sleepy

Enjoy hearing me clapping and suddenly realizing that your afterlife has begun then.

Then put her in a back pocket instead

Stop posting this gay shit nigger

What is your obsession about putting her close to my ass?
The answer is no, anon, no fairy gets near my butt.

What’s more humiliating, one fart, or a few dozen?

Good luck catching me asshole

It's not about it being humiliating anon, it's about it being scary.
You stop being a bullying little asshole if you've had the experience of almost asphyxiating in a fart filled sealed mason jar, because that is scary as fuck.
Continually humiliating someone is for fags.

*Clap*

I wouldn’t call that scary, more just embarrassing tbh

…nope, missed. Sorry. Maybe next time.

Almost dying in a fart filled jar isn't scary to you?
Is your fight or flight response broken?

I don’t think most people think they even can die to a fart

*ClaSplat*

It's not the fart the kill them anon, it's running out of air in a sealed container that stinks like fart that would kill them.

that kill them*

What does the fart even add then? They’d run out of air either way.

Oh, good. I tend to be a bit of an over reacher. Especially when dopamine seeking.

Would you kindly STFU, neither of you is killing me with your gas or your ass, or a clap for that matter

It makes the prospective death worse for them, they are not only choking to death, they're choking to death in fart air.

Oh yeah, well you're just some dude pretending to be a fairy, you're not even small enough to die from either of those things.

That’s just more humiliating, not more lethal. The humiliation is a part of it.

Well okay yeah, but it isn't getting me off, humiliationfags are cringe.

It doesn’t have to get you off, it just has to be worse for her. A buttcrack dripping with sweat and constantly fumigating her will be even more humiliating than just running out of air.

You’d have to catch me first jerk-off, and even if you did what’s keeping me from escaping?

Understandable

A buttcrack dripping with sweat and constantly fumigating her will be even more humiliating than just running out of air.

The answer to that is still no anon, not going to happen.
My ass is not a torture device, not unless I've overdosed on chipotle and still then I wouldn't shove anyone or anything into my butt crack.

You do what you want, but she’s small enough to sit on easily

There’s nothing “easy” about sitting on me, do you think fairies just stand around on people’s chairs all day? Although while we’re on the subject, I did leave a thumbtack surprise for you.

I never doubted that, but just by how flowery you got with describing the situation of it happening is enough for me to go nope.
You're way too into this and that makes me uncomfortable.

Some other guy liking it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that the fairy hates it.

Thumbtacks are easy to notice

It was very fun, though.

Some other guy liking it doesn’t matter

Sure it does, you getting off to it is highly disgusting to me and would make me feel molested, so I have to emphatically voice just how much I am not into doing what would get you off.
I do not exist to get you off, so stop trying to convince me to act in ways that would get you off.

By all means we can continue

Fair, probably best to just put the fairy in a regular jar then

Imprison the fairy until they apologize

Imprison them with what?

That would be nice. I'm stuck doing training for the next while until my finger heals.

Training in what?

A bird cage, or a sock

Pretty much the same thing over and over again. Heavy engine repair. The redundancy is insane. There is next to no difference in them, but you have to complete all the classes to get credit for the course. Even the European models that are still the exact same.

Sounds like you need a little gremlin fairy to fuck up your engines mischievously

Oh we have plenty of those. That how I hurt my finger.

Ooof, lol, you have permission to be angry at me for that one

Nah, I'm not angry about it. It was my fault. I'm just glad they could save it.

Good to hear. So, how would your treatment of the little fairy be different if you were, say, a chaotic barbarian instead of a lawful good Paladin?

Assuming a low INT score is part of the package? It would probably start off with getting really angry really fast.

Oh? Oh my, heh, good thing to know the teasing works then.

exactly what i just said
he is a warrior and kicks ass and she sees that he likes to do it so she does it to him to get attention

Oh, it would. They're would be a lot of shouting obscenities, and increasingly frantic grasping.

Grasping eh? Well, you’ll have trouble catching a fairy, she is agile and dexterous, but what fate awaits her if you succeed?

It would definitely be a challenge, and likely an enjoyable sight for you. Out would start with me holding you by your wings close to my face as I yell more obscenities at you, pulling harder on your wings if you try to struggle.

Oh yeah, I’d be angrily pounding my fists on your hand at that point (fairy wings regrow but it’s ridiculous for us to run around on the floor!)

Once I calmed down a bit and no longer about to rage, I'd grab a leather string and wrap it so tightly around you that you can barely breathe to keep you from getting away again.

Lol the paladin hang over is today.

Devious, but you’ll have to find a place to keep the fairy, a tied up fairy is a vulnerable fairy after all

lol, a Paladin hangover eh, how’s that feel?

Hmm... I would have to decide between wearing you like a necklace, or using you as a charm on the handle of my great axe.

Mostly, "noooo, you should be nice and understanding" lol. Paladin is my go to class.

Oh my, an interesting and dangling fate for a fairy indeed. Suppose it’s still better than my time with the orcs though at least, lol.

Understandable though, you seemed a gentle soul, just think of it as “out-bullying the bully”, lol. I’m sure a fairy would find a barbarian more crass and rude and gross than even most humans, lol.

Only slightly because humans don't stink as bad as orcs. But you would get showered in cheap ale and food crumbs every time I ate and drank.

I'll do my best lol.

I’d be kicking up a fuss, always shouting at you, kicking at you with my feet, telling you to put me down, shouting for help from others, etc.

I'd wrap my hand around you, give you a squeeze, then pick out a large piece of barely cooked gristle from my teeth, and shove it in your mouth to keep you quiet before going back to eating like a savage.

That would be so disgusting I think my time bouncing against the backside of an Orc’s loincloth would be preferable in comparison

I'm sure the more I drank, the worse it would get. Of course I would drink too much, and pass out at the table, pinning you between my sweaty chest and the table as I snored.

Being mean to the fairy like...

lol, it’s okay, you can go back to being the Paladin. And hey, if it helps, the Paladin’s smug righteous victory over the fairy when he fumigated her was kinda hot.

We can play whatever you want to play. Fairies are kind of a thing for me lol.

And what, pray tell, if a Paladin encountered a genuinely evil fairy? One that not just was impish but malevolent? The kind to have many a poison need and eager to use them?

Does your barbarian have a mount of his own?

Well, no one is beyond redemption. If I thought that I even had a sight chance of making that happen, I'd take it.

Understandable, what would that process of redemption look like?

Probably so. But not a horse. Let say I ride a warg.

Interesting, wondering how your barbarian would take to a fairy upon his seat trying to steal it

Well, I couldn't have you flying off, but dismemberment is an abomination. I'd never pull off your wings. Even if they do grow back. But I would find a way to tie a heavy link of chain to your waist in a way that you couldn't remove. That way you'd either have to walk, but you would get too tired before you got too far, or have me carry you with me, always keeping an eye on you.

And how might your Paladin handle attacks from the fairy? Suppose she wants to give you an ass-whooping so she’s buzzing toward you as fast she she can to quite literally dive-kick your rear end, how do you defend against it?

That's not a unique problem with mathematics but with all language. All reason starts from axioms. Besides there's the structuralist versus.essentialist debate. How can a biologist prove that a cat is a cat? Is it not a cat anymore when we cut its tail, whiskers and legs? That's sophistry. The fundament of all knowledge is very simple: even before any thoughts arise there are shapes and colors and sounds and all the rest. There are things to discern, this, that and the other. Next we put words on these discernments: this = boob, that = cat, such = Firefox and so on. Now we have our axioms. The next step in knowing is how the things we have discerned and labeled are related to eachother. That's all we're doing all day every day: discerning things, measuring things, comparing measurements of things. We are all born mathematicians. Ask a woman and she'll tell you exactly the status of everyone in her social circle. That's her way of doing mathematics. Ask a biology about the functioning of an ecosystem: the word system should already reveal to you that the biologist way of understanding how all life forms relate to eachother is again another form of mathematics. All is mathematics.

I would be thoroughly amused as you attempted to get close enough to a vicious snarling warg that only knows to run to the next battle. If you got distracted, I'd grab you from behind, and hold you just out of reach of its snapping jaws as it strains against its reigns to reach you.

I'll cast Daylight on my butt so the sun literally shines out my ass, blinding you temporarily, and stopping your charge.

How considerate would a barbarian be of fairies and other little creatures anyways? Would you watch where you step or sit?

Oh, she’ll keep charging all right, just blindly

Likely not very. They'd be considered larger than usual insects, and treated with as much reverence.

Then I'll simply step to the side, and hold open a leather sack for her to fly in to. Once she was in, I'd close it, and keep her in until she calms down. However long that may take.

Well, he might want to at least brush a gaggle of chittering pixies off his seat first before sitting down, but I could see stepping on one for sure lol

Quick thinking

So then would the barbarian’s response be different to such an attack?

Physical violence is an absolute last resort. Even then, I wouldn't do any more damage than I could heal.
Still coming straight at my ass? Wait until you got close enough, then blast you with a horrid meat fart and laugh as you gagged and coughed

Disgusting, I wonder if it’d be a powerful enough gust to knock her back or if she’d just end up smacking into her asscheek (or between them if she’s really unlucky)

Especially after a day of hard riding, with pants visibly wet from saddle sweat.

Ah, well at least you’re wearing pants, that should prevent the worst outcomes

Well, you do seem to like to play in them.

True, I do…but I imagine a wicked barbarian-ambushing fairy might have a lot less eagerness to ride in the back of the pants of some sweaty barbarian letting loose protein farts and laughing about it

There would definitely be a noticeable difference. Especially in hygiene.

Would the barbarian let the fairy go in defeat after her utterly failed attack?

Not right away. I'd take the time to humiliate you farther. Drag you through town naked, force you to sleep in one of my boots for a few nights. Things like that.

Where would she sleep?

Sweaty boot for sure. Maybe wrapped up tight in dirty underwear, or i could pass out on you, forcing you to sleep with your face in my arm pit.

What kind of things would you say to her? Both during the battle and afterwards?

A lot of threats about eating you. Ripping you in half like a wishbone. Crushing you like a roach.

And what would you do if you came across a tiny village of fairies in the forest?

Does it look like they have good loot?

They have shiny trinkets they’ve stolen or collected, but they’re very protective of them and tell you to piss off

They can either give them to me or get fed to my warg. Either way, I'm not leaving until I've got my loot. I'll stomp the nearest structure to make sure they understand.

Weird question but would you ever piss on a fairy?

Hot take but I really don’t get the appeal of sticking a fairy in the crack of your ass

Would. I kinda got the feeling that was a thing you like when we played yesterday.

Well…yes. Humiliation, gross things, being overwhelmed by a humans bodily functions, it’s all very hot. It just interacts oddly with my other fetish…I prefer to be unwilling. A fairy that hates what you’re doing to them sounds so much hotter honestly.

When would you?

Also you mentioned having older brothers?

You mean like holding you down with my boot, pulling my pants down, and hitting you full stream as you struggle to get out and catch your breath?
The youngest of 4.

That…would be incredibly humiliating and degrading. Yeah, when would you pull out such a horrifying torture?

And interesting. From what it sounds like your older brothers gave you a very hard time. Though if I was your fairy sister I probably would’ve done the same tbh lmao

Whenever you're ready lol.

It wasn't bad. We fought. It was a lot like Lord of the Flies at times, but we made it work. We're very close as adults. Even have our own discord channel that we can talk shit to each other on.

How do you think your brothers would react if you had a fairy? Let alone if she was wedged up the crack of your ass, letting out muffled squeaky angry screams every time you farted as a the gas sent a cloud of fairy dust out your rear end

I mean, realistically? They would find it hilarious. Again, 4 boys all living together and sleeping 2 to a bedroom once I got old enough. We have all seen some shit. We don't say shit. We do not make jokes about it in the company of others. It's our mutually agreed upon unspoken past. But a tiny naked girl with wings that I'm farting on with visible effect? That ticks all the boxes for comedy gold.

Oh my, so I probably wouldn’t get much sympathy then from them, lol.

We would likely take turns.

W-wait, what is this, some kind of fucked up fart competition where I’m the judge? You’re little better than orcs!

Oh no. It's not like that. It would be a running thing over an undetermined amount of time. You'd be kept hidden in the closet and used specifically for farting as a joke. If history teaches us anything, one day you'll get put back on the closet and forgotten about until mom ask what smells so bad.

Why? You know I’ll escape at some point! And when I do I’m gonna kick all of your asses!

Can't be any harder than catching a bird in the bedroom. We've successfully done that a time or three.