What's the lawful good way to handle a fairy that's constantly insulting and bullying a paladin?

know that all women are anorgasmic.

not some.
not many.

all of them.

that's why you wont find a single video of any woman stating she (specifically she) does orgasm.

because nobody wants to lie on video.

hence, they have to unfocus and divert or resort to ambiguity, generalization and shit.

by 15 they got great expectations, and by 30 they realise they wont, after having tried everything, to no avail.

time to lure a beta to leech off.

no need to trust me, check it for yourself, just dont expect any to be clear or nice on the subject. you'll just get anger and cancellation.

you can see the hypocrisy, the lack of faith and pleasure, the oversexualization even when they avoid sex, because it's a frustrating activity for them, so, neither for you.

you can even see their hopelessness in their eyes sometimes. even their hate for the real pleasure you can get.

they fake to take advantage of you.

like it's men's fault they gave it up for power.

they made their bed.

share it if/when you see it.
noone protects men.

tldr:

penis_hate.jpg

I see…that’s a pretty mean name though. Also a dragon might have a hard time even seeing her.

A little bullying and you respond with violence huh

Violence isn't the answer. It's the question, and the answer is "yes".

Well then you can expect a thumbtack on your seat later, hand delivered via fairy

My plate mail's ass plate laughs at your feeble attempt at tomfoolery. I'd chase her with a piece of cast iron.

Hmph, you have to sit down without plate eventually mister, I doubt you’ll sit down in the confessional booth like that. And cast iron? Ha, I’ll just fly above you, too far to hit.

Confessional? What am I, a cleric? You're awful lippy for a pest that can be eliminated by a stiff breeze.

Even a Paladin sins sometimes! You wanna see a stiff breeze, how bout I fart some fairy dust in your direction you jerk!

jar

I would just Lay on Hands myself to clear up the pink eye from it.

Oh you’re gonna get hands laid on you alright

Pray to your deity to smite it with righteous fury, as its teasing interferes with carrying out your holy duties.

What alignment is the fairy?

Chaotic neutral

Well bullying is chaotic evil, something any paladin would be willing to snuff out.

So insane?
Anyone who plays chaotic neutral is just a nutcase.

Now that sounds like it could be fun.

Schoolchildren bully and they’re not that

No, anyone can bully.
Anyone who can get away with it.

Not like that you wierdo! Just meant you’ll get a slap to the back of the head or your ass

Nah, a Paladin isn’t allowed to bully

You're the one that said it, not me. Now you're talking about slapping asses. Seems like you're having some impure thoughts.

ignorance

Oh don’t pretend like it’s that sort of thing, I know you humans slap each others asses in your gyms and lockers all the time, you’re weird like that!

No the paladin isnt. But they can put a stop to it due to their calling.
What god are you a paladin to?

And that’s what makes Paladins so fun to bully. I can mess around with them and they can’t be too harsh back to me.

Depending on the god.

Bullying isnt chaotic neutral though its chaotic evil.
Are you playing 5th ed or some gay shit like that?

You're getting awfully flustered over it. I think your head is clouded with thoughts of slapping my righteous booty. You're having a hard time not thinking about how toned it is from all the questing I've done. You fly everywhere. That's why you have a sad little pancake butt.

Pfff, typical of a Paladin, so high and mighty you’d think your ass doesn’t stink!

Oh, what happened to an eye for an eye? You’re gonna respond to some playful banter with murder?

Yeah.

Well then you’re just evil!

I bathe regularly. Cleanliness is godliness. You smell like the love child of a dung beetle and a skunk.

Lmao, oh please, riding around on your horses getting all muddy and sweaty from travel and fighting and getting knee deep in orc blood, I know what you Paladins have for a stench even if you try to clean it off! Though come to think of it stealing a Paladin’s horse would be a funny prank…

Nope, it depends upon the god.
Many lawful good deities dont put up with nonsense.

Those gods sound like a bore, who would worship them?

A lawful good paladin.
Have you ever actually played d&d?

So just because you’re lawful good that means you have to be a total bore? Well then I’ll just find the Paladin’s spot in their little temple and put glue on their seat, that ought to spicen up their worship service.

Or it’s just people doing whatever sounds fun at the time

Well, we can't all be free loaders like you fairies. I'd like to see you try to steal my horse. He would brush you away with the other gnats and flies.

More of that arrogance. It’s not that hard to steal a horse! All I gotta do is sit on the saddle and grab the reigns and give them a snap!

wait until she does something unlawful and then dispense punishment.

What if she never does? What if she just annoys you all day without breaking the law?

It's not arrogance. What I do, I do in service to all. As far as I can tell, you're basically a very small goblin with wings. And you don't stable a horse with a saddle and reigns on. That's just mean. Not very fey like of you...

Well…then I’ll just wait till you saddle her and hop on right before you do! Steal it right under your nose!

use a spell that forces her to repent or something

That’s just mind control, fairly certain paladins don’t get that

no, mind control would be making her do anything you want. you can only make her think about her wrongdoings. i'm pretty sure warcraft paladins have that spell.

wowhead.com/spell=20066/repentance

Well, it only lasts for a minute, she’ll be back to her old self right after

I'd let her take you for a ride. But the bond between a paladin and his mount is unbreakable. She'd run you through every low branch and bramble. You'll look cute with all those twigs and prickers in your hair.

that's just gameplay. lorewise you'll make her regret everything she did to you.

Hmph, what are you a Druid now? Bonding with your animals too? Bah, twigs or no, I’m keeping the horse, you can’t make me get off!

Mind alteration is very rude! And cheating!

then blind her with radiating light.

…that’s more fair. Probably won’t stop her though.

stun her without dealing damage?

Temporary solutions. What’s to stop her from coming back right after?

murder

It's funny. When you do good things, most everyone tends to like you. I know that's a hard concept for a kobold runt to grasp. Animals, too. Some paladins' mounts are actually summoned magical creatures. But I'll let you get a good ways out of town before I show you if mine is or isn't.

Oh, how would that even work if I’m on it? Does the horse disappear out from under me? Do I teleport with the horse back to where you are?

Right out from beneath you. That tiny butt of yours will be on the road before you knew it. Don't worry. I'll still heal you if you get hurt. Won't be much that I can do about the wounded pride, though.

Hmph, I see how it is. Well, if you deny me a ride, I’ll deny you one right back! Right when you’re ready to take a carriage ride, or claim the last seat in the temple pews, or even have a throne of your own some day, I’ll be there to claim it right before you do! You’ll be forced to stand like some mere peasant!

I'm not denying you a ride. We can go for one any time you'd like. As far as taking my seat, I'd gladly give you my seat at the temple. You could use more time there. And I prefer to stand, as I'm capable of standing. Others may need those seats more.

Gah, stupid Paladins, you take too many things in stride, makes me wanna kick your ass!

Msg

Ooooh! I'm so angry and frazzled at your relentless taunting that I'm tempted to break my oath! Is that better? More in line for what you want to hear?

Well…y-yeah but it’s supposed to be genuine, you’re just humoring me! I just gotta find the right thing…oh, hah, I’ll just sneak into your bedroll while you sleep and draw heretical things on your body!

I bet you'd like to sneak into my bed roll... But it doesn't matter what you write on my body. My heart will still be pure.

Maybe so, but aren’t humans supposed to be scared of small things crawling around under their sheets? You freak out over little spiders, you don’t think you’ll panic if you feel me messing around down there? I could have a poison needle! Or itching powder!

I think I know the kind of "messing around" you'll do "down there". If you were up to something nefarious, I can always trap you in and fart.

Your mind is so dirty for a Paladin! And Paladins don’t fart, that’s not knightly or chivalrous or clean, that’s dirty and crass and gross!

They're your words, not mine. Maybe I should take you to a convent. Maybe a few years as a sister could cure your impish nature. And all of that is true. But I'm still a human. I still have bodily functions. I seem to remember someone threatening to "fart fairy dust" at me. So which one of us is really the crass one?

Hey, I’m not the one trying to be some fancy knight! And it’s one thing to let out some gas but to trap me in a dutch oven, really? I’ll pour my whole vial of itching powder right down the crack of your ass if you tried such a thing! And don’t even bother with the convent, I would just escape after making their lives miserable.

Prank her back

Who said anything about being fancy? I only have one set of clothes, and I don't remember the last time I wore them. All of my gold but what I need for supplies goes to the poor and the church. My life is far from glamorous. You're so upset about getting Dutch ovened. It's really cute how mad you get. I think you're scared that you'll like a simple life of modest, piety, and chastity. You would make a model sister.

Hmph, you wouldn’t want to send me to a convent anyways, who’s to say I won’t tell them what you did to me? And I already live a simple enough life! I take what I want, sit where I want, sleep where I want, and do whatever I want to whoever I want!

Finally someone who gets it

And what would you tell them I did to poor little you. And who's to say you don't need a little balance in your life? As a sister you can give all you can, stand for those who can't stand for themselves, sleep in a nice cozy modest bed, and do what you can for anyone. Doesn't that sound better?

I’ll tell them you trapped me in your bedroll and subjected me to the odorous aftermath of…whatever it is you “humble paladins” eat! They’ll never look at you the same way again! Hmph, but you know what…maybe I will become a sister, just so I can smugly walk into any church I want and take what I want like I own the place, and if anyone tries to stop me I’ll give them a harsh tongue-lashing! Starting with you if you try to stop me!

OP is the same sad tranny cunt desperate for ERP who used to spam cringe rat threads

You would so openly admit to being out foxed by a dim witted human in such an embarrassing manner? That does sound like something you'd do. I'm sure you'd give them a proper tongue-lashing. But we both know that it's all about getting caught for you. All this acting up and acting out. You do it because you like being punished...

Only out-witted because I underestimated how crude and rude humans could truly be! You think anyone is gonna look up to you after hearing what you did? You think anyone is gonna want to follow your example? And…wait a sec, you’re just trying to fluster me! This is a bluff, you don’t have the guts to try it, you’re just hoping I’ll leave you alone! Well fat chance mister, you’re getting a visit tonight!

We both know you don't want me to leave you alone. Should I leave the candle burning for you? Find a nice clean sock for you to sleep in? Nah... you'd want to share my pillow.

Share your pillow? Hmph, maybe after I’m done working on you, hope you don’t have anyone waiting for you in the morning cause I got a needle laced with sleeping serum and I know just where to put it!

Or maybe you'll get a really good night's sleep snuggled up to my warm soft cheek, and wake up in a better mood. I'll even take you out for breakfast.

Hmph, we’ll see. What is a Paladin’s diet anyways?

I'll probably get a couple of eggs and some bacon. Hopefully an apple. But that's in town. It's mostly just jerky and hard tac. What do you think you'll have?

Pie and candy! And your meal is acceptable, all I ask is that if I ride in a pocket, it’s the chest pocket! And don’t eat eggs or beans before bed. And you better get a bath every day too, I don’t care if we’re in the road!

Hmm... so you're planning on coming with me how, huh?

Well I can’t very well annoy you if I’m not with you now can I? Besides, imagine getting pranked at the worst possible time! Right in the middle of a sword swing and woops, I put a banana peel on the floor, haha!

I do suppose someone has to keep an eye on you. Prank if you must, but keep in mind that I'm the one with the healing magic. Maybe we agree to a truce during combat? I'd hate to see an orc get ahold of you. They like eating bugs.

You think I’m afraid of an orc? They’re even more dim-witted and crass than humans! They would not be hard to fool and escape at all.

Not at all. You're the fiercest mightiest warrior there has ever been... in your weight class. But you should never get comfortable while fighting. Especially around orcs.

Fear not! If they do capture me, I’ll just tell them I’m a lucky charm and they have to keep me alive and safe for it to work. Then I’ll just wait for you to come and get me.

I would never let you live down the time that I saved my little damsel in distress...

Fool that you are, I’m the one who’s gonna be relaxing comfortably in a birdcage eating sweets while you’re knee deep in orc blood working your ass off to save me. But if you want to tease me over it I might let you have this one tiny thing, after all I wouldn’t want my puppet to go wandering off from me.

all paladins are faggots, WARLOCKS RULE.

Your fortune: ｷﾀ━━━━━━(ﾟ∀ﾟ)━━━━━━ !!!!

Oh, and how’s a warlock going to handle an annoying fairy who keeps breaking his concentration?

I think you're not very familiar with the social habits of orcs. If you tell them you're lucky, they'll most likely wear you as a necklace, or hang you from a loin cloth. If you think humans smell, you're in for a shock when you smell an unwashed sweaty orc. I do like how romanticized you've made your rescue, though. Might be something you want to poke at.

Surely it would just be a necklace right? A loincloth would be ridiculous, I’d be bouncing against the side of their hip all day! And yeah, touching an orc is just gross! The only good side is it would be funny seeing you try to fight an orc without hurting me in the process.

Warlocks are just incels so full of impotent rage and sexual frustration that they've gotten magical powers from it. You'll never have what we have, and you'll never get what we get.

I would absolutely go for a decapitating attack so you would get covered in smelly orc blood.

Disgusting! I change my mind, side of the loincloth is fine if I don’t have to put up with that.

Maybe I just take extra care in protecting you around orcs? If we're going to share a pillow, I'd like to keep as many unpleasant smells away from it as possible.

Well I suppose in the interest of not getting acquainted with orc sweat I’ll stay in your pocket while you fight them. Oh, and you better make sure none of the places we’re sleeping have bugs crawling around either! And every night I get first turn in the bath!

Why are you so afraid of bugs? Worried you might run in to someone you know? You can bathe in an average sized bowl. It doesn't bother me that you've taken a cup or two of hot water.

I WAS going to say that spiders are terrifying at my size, but instead I think I’ll wake you up in the middle of the night by kicking your ass for that snide little insult! And that’s not fair, I should get just as much hot water as you! If you don’t like it, well too bad, I’ll already be in the bath by the time you’re undressed and this is a one person bath.

You do not get your own full tub to take a bath. It is a one person tub, and there will only be one person in it. You'll fit just fine.

…..did you just say I’m not a person!? And what part of a Paladin’s chivalry involves your stinking sweaty ass barreling down upon a poor fairy taking a bath? Well fine, I’ll just hog the soap bar then, it’s big enough for me to lay on so you won’t be getting any!

Human, person, same thing. You could just let me get in first. And you really think keeping thy soap from me after a day of travel and fighting is a good idea?

I’ll do what I must! You don’t have the nerve to go for it!

I'll just make a lot of big waves until you fall off. Maybe a big splash... I bet you can't fly with wet wings.

Pin her down and fuck her.

Well, no, that’s true, but if I did have wet wings I wouldn’t be able to fly out of the bath so you’d have no choice but to let me have the bath! After all, how can I flutter out of the way?

Alternatively, we could just enjoy a nice warm bath together. I'll make sure you don't drown.

Hmph…fine. A moment where we’re not fighting might be relaxing, and I’m not a good swimmer. But you’re still getting pranked the next day! This is just a…temporary truce. I promise not to pee in the bathtub out of spite even.

See... I wasn't worried about it until you brought it up specifically...

I mean I MIGHT pee in your water canteen the next day instead but that’s just being funny!

How much could it possibly be though? A couple of drops in the whole canteen? I get more fish pee in it by filling it in the river.

Well, yeah but…I can still mock you for having drank my pee! What’s a fairy gotta do to make you upset, rub my ass on your underwear?

Depends, am I still wearing them?

Don’t be silly, how would I even do that? No, in the morning before you’re dressed when you’ve got the fresh pair of undies out!

I see. Well, it's good to know you're so comfortable being around me when I'm naked. Plan on doing that much? How much time do you need to play with my undies?

Well it’s not ideal but when you’re naked is the best time to mess with you! And who knows, maybe I’ll decide to hold onto them all day long, really get the scent imbibed in there of my ass, guess you’ll just have to go without them…

Oh, you're going to be wearing them? There's easier ways to get into my underpants...

Well they’re much too big for me to wear, heck they’re almost too heavy for me to carry, but I’ll manage! Show you how much nicer a fairy’s clothes smell even after I’ve been rubbing my stinky parts on them compared to your nasty used undies! And…well okay yes I’m in your underpants sure, but I would never do this while you’re wearing them, and I would never allow you to pick them up and wear them while I’m still in them rubbing my ass on them!

So... let me get this straight. You are going to take my underwear, spend an extended period of time rubbing your tiny bits with them, all while I'm aware, and I'm not supposed to acknowledge the heavily sexual undertones?

It’s supposed to be embarrassing you fool! Your undies will be full of the smell and fairy dust of another person! That’s why I know you won’t wear them, it would be gross! Maybe I’ll even fashion it into my new bedtime blanket just to rub it in.

cursing it to decay slowly, DUH

Oh, I see. You totally got me. You're going to take a long time to rub yourself with my underwear so that they smell like you. Then I'll be so repulsed by it that I wouldn't just wear them anyway. To top it all off, you're going to take my underwear, that you've rubbed all over your fairy bits, that I will somehow deem too gross to wear, and fashion a blanket to sleep with out of them... Hoo... you sure got me there, tiny friend. Won't I have egg on my face...

this gay ass erp seeking nigga still talking to himself
lmao

About time you finally got it. A “humble Paladin” like you probably only has two sets of clothes anyways so enjoy your only remaining underwear getting nasty and gross

I'll probably just go ahead and wear them anyway, because I don't mind. I will, however, thank you for warning them up for me.

Well, no, you can’t, I’m still on them you idiot, and I ain’t sharing.

I guess I'll just go commando... would you like me to swaddle you in them or something? I'm very good at that.

The Jar

Whew, good, frankly it would’ve been ridiculous, no proper Paladin galavants around with a fairy under his ballsack or in his buttcrack! As for what to do…set up a hammock on your horse for me perhaps using them.

Yes, because that's what is ridiculous... certainly not my underwear obsessed "just a friend" fairy companion that wants me to smell like her. It's good to have clarity on this.

As a fairy, I get to do what I want. As a Paladin, it’s your job to sit there and take it.

Getting bratty, I see. Very cute. I think that's called being a power bottom. But what do I know? I'm just an average human paladin.

What is it with you people and jars?

That’s right. I’m gonna drive you insane for weeks, months even. You’ll want to punish me so bad, but you’ll know your oath won’t let you, no matter how good it would feel, until eventually you beg me to stop.

Aww. It's very sweet that you want to spend that much time with me. I'm totally sure i won't be able to casually deflect your silly little pranks forever. Then you get to have your real fun, hmm? I bet you'll totally get me by rubbing your soapy body all over me at bath time...

That’s right, I’ll get you sooner or later, and you’ll be vulnerable and unarmored in the bath, if you pee in the bath I swear I’ll strangle the life out of your dick

You'll really squeeze it with all your might, huh?

Well what else am I suppose to do, being gross around me is an attack! Fart on me, I’ll literally kick your ass, pee on me, I’ll thrash your cock, burp on me and I’ll knock your teeth out, you big gross ogre!

Sounds like you've had a pretty rough life as a fairy if these are your primary concerns.

Well, look at you oh mighty Paladin, you:

Would trap a fairy in a Dutch oven in your bedroll

Would get in a bath with a fairy while you’re all naked and gross

Would let a fairy get swatted by your horse, or touch an orc, or pulled through all sorts of twigs and leaves

put in jar

temporary time-out

bad gurl

I’ll do it again

I'm pretty sure those things are all the potential consequences of your own tomfoolery. And I'm not entirely sure that you think all of them are bad, if I'm being honest. Which I am. Goes with the whole paladin thing.

Well…it should be your job as a Paladin to prevent me from experiencing the consequences of my own actions! What do you think I am, some sort of cautionary tale to show off to people about what happens if they’re bratty?

Is it now? I wasn't aware that was part of my oath. I thought I was supposed to do society a favor by containing you to a single person. I'll try to endure as you do all sorts of very lewd things to get my attention.

every time the paladin has to fart, grab the fairy and shove its face in the paladin's ass and let it rip

that or ignore it

Ohohoho, I know exactly just how to get under your skin now. I just have to tell you that instead of bothering you, I’ll go and bother someone else you care about! Maybe your high priest, or a family member, or some nun you like!

That doesn’t sound very chivalrous

Sounds like a great way to get locked in a very small bird cage for a very long time. We both know you'd get bored with all that. They won't give you what you're looking for.

I see how it is, they’re strict, but you want me to take it too far, you want to see just how far I’ll go…alright buddy, you asked for it.

Should I take off my underwear for this?

No need, in fact, it’ll come when you least expect it, as you’re in public, that’s when you’ll have to deal with me taking advantage of every human’s weakness by doing lewd things. You thought it was hard giving a speech in public? Try doing so with a fairy massaging your cock! You thought fighting orcs was hard? Try doing so when there’s a fairy tickling your asshole with a feather! You thought you were waking up in the morning to a kiss? Nope, I’m pressing my butt against your lips! You’ll be too distracted to concentrate!

Sounds like I'll have to keep the plate mail on, then. I think I know of a way to keep you in line. Something that will keep people from assuming you're just another sex crazed fey. It's hard for others to understand.

You think that will help you? I suppose I’ll just have to sneak into your clothes well before you ever don your armor then…it’s even harder to keep a fairy from coming close to you than it is to keep them from escaping,

And what is this “way” you’re thinking of…

It's very sweet how close you want to be to me. Not many people know this, but there are places we can touch and cast Lay On Hands that are... incapacitating.

Oh? Well that’s a very fancy Paladin trick, if you show me I’ll keep your little secret. Of course it won’t stop me from messing with you, I don’t care if your ballsack is as big as I am, I’ll still make sure I’m tickling you at the worst possible time down there.

I can show you, but it's Lay On Hands. You can't be in my pants for me to do it. That's Lay On... something else.

Very well, I’ll let you…wait will it be possible for me to get out of your armor once you have it all on?

I'm sure I could take enough off for you to get out.

That’s good, I shouldn’t have any reason that I’d suddenly desire to leave immediately anyways. But in any case it will let you show me this lay on hands method before I’ve spent a whole hot day marinating in your sweat

You should probably take off anything covering you up down there. It's better for conductivity. Then straddle the tip of my finger. Rub yourself on it like you did to my underwear. Once you get a good rhythm going, I'll cast, and you will feel right where you'll want to feel it most.

Fascinating…well then I suppose I’ll run myself all over it and finish with a bang on my chest. Though I do wonder, has my fairy dust had any effect on you? It’s been spread all up in your crotch and butt, surely you must be noticing something.

Absolutely. I'm just better at showing restraint. But that's getting increasingly difficult.

I should think so, you’ve been bathing in fairy dust-laden water and wearing undies covered in it too

You've certainly done a very good job being sneaky about it.

It’s certainly a lot more noticeable at my size. Though now I’m tempted to tease you about it. Your ass is as sparkly as a princess’s now after all.

I'm afraid I'm not sure how sparkly that is, but I'll take your word for it.

And pray tell, how has my Paladin been handling his distractions?

By mainly channeling that into getting you as equally flustered.

Good luck with that, I’m not the one on public display after all, what could you possibly do to fluster me at this point?

I feel like we're both equally exposed. I think the best way to get you flustered at this point is to let you do it yourself. You seem to be very in to using your fairy dust to get to me. But I see through that. You're doing it because you like it. It probably feels good to you. How much can you do it before it's too much for you to handle? If I told you to give me every speck of fairy dust you had, could you do it with your dignity intact?

Oh, and what do you think happens to a fairy with no fairy dust left? And even moreso, what do you think would be too much for me to handle?

You become a pixie? But I think you'd give in before that happens. I'm starting to think we're closer to that than you're willing to admit.

And what awaits a fairy, or even a pixie, who has given in to a Paladin?

And what do you believe the difference between a pixy and a fairy is?

Probably more of the same shenanigans we've been up to thus far. Maybe more. Aren't pixies more bug like?

A little, they have antenna too, and they’re smaller, but they mostly look the same. If a fairy is as big as your cock, a pixie is probably closer to being as big as one of your nutsacks.

Interesting units of measurement you have.

Well I don’t exactly have a ruler down here, what was I supposed to use, how big a sweat droplet is compared to me? How much your buttcrack swallows me up when you have a wedgie?

So you're saying I should pull up my pants and go for s nice long run?

W-wait no don’t it’s sweaty enough back there already! B-besides it can’t possibly feel good to feel a living breathing girl wedged up there, won’t you consider her comfort?

Ask her to play the rape game. If she says no then you know she understands the rules and is ready to go.

You'd think that'd be a sign that she isn't interested, right?

Last time I checked, you were in there because you wanted to be.

Well…okay you got me there. At least tell me I’m succeeding in giving you a nasty itch that distracts you back there…

Having something constantly squirming around in there isn't ideal, no. But you get used to itches you can't scratch. Comes with the territory when you wear plate mail. I will scratch all that needs scratched when I take it off.

You could grow some wit and learn to snap back in a light-hearted but accurate way.
She will learn to like you, and if you aren't insecure about what she says then you may even begin to like her too.
-
Then again, if you find her annoying get rid of her. Teleport away or otherwise banish her.
Your choice. Whatever you imagine you could make real.
Cute .gif

Mantegna the most overrated movie night with you guys and I can get you a job in a while now and then we are going after the election and the kids are the best years for a while and then we can go to bed now I love this image two weeks tops and bottoms up with you are you still ain't convincing him to get out and get to know each other in the morning to get the house cleaned up the artist is a good idea to be honest I don't get it I don't know what I'm going too much

Ha, I can just imagine it now, driving you crazy, knowing you have no way to stop it, that this will be your next 10 hours of the day

Banish her to where?

Back to where she came from, or to another place far away in general.
Away from you, is the point.
Banishment by what means is the question, and I presume said paladin knows magic.

captcha

for the lulz
New business dropped
SHAGX, baby!

I don’t think Paladins have that ability

That's very limited, your way of thinking.
I don't think paladins exist, and so this topic is pointless :^)
If they did exist, and they existed in a world in which magic existed, and could be learned/taught, then I believe a paladin may or would learn useful skills.
Op forgot to clarify all the finer points and limitations of this world and character, and so I filled in the blank spaces myself.

I honestly don't believe you're capable of letting me stay fully dressed that long, tiny friend.

they/them

Oh, is that so? And why is that? Do you think it’s because I won’t be able to handle the heat, or because you’ll be driven made with lust or annoyance and remove your clothes?

A wizard, sorcerer, or maybe an incel warlock might be able to banish, but Paladins don't tap in to that kind of magic. On top of that, must banishing spells are specific to summoned magical creatures. You could dimensional door her back to the Fey Realm, but that's the magical equivalent of sending her to her room. It's only a complicated trippy hippie van art world to non fey.

So what would you do then?

Because I think you're getting yourself really worked up playing in my pants, and will need release eventually. As for lust, I've turned down enough succubi for that to be a factor. And annoyance? I've played with you for this long. I can go a little longer.

They may, and there's nothing stopping them. Your logic is that of "sportsball players cannot use computers".
It's ridiculous. I greatly dislike the limitations conventional, formulaic games and movies place onto characters.
I understand you think about this differently, and that's fine, but I hate the artificial limitations and confinements places on fiction, and imagination in general.

Ah, but I have my own way of doing things. When I need release, I’ll just crawl to the front and rub myself all over your crotch until I’m all finished, and when that’s over, I can crawl right back into the backside again and give you brand new itchy annoyance. You’re powerless, you have no ability to touch yourself in the front, and all you can do in the back is clench. Ironically from within your undies I can do far worse to you than you can to me.

I'm not saying that it can't be done. You can multi class. But this is specific to Paladins, their alignment, and abilities. Pretty much all modern pen and paper RPGs are very free form, but that's ultimately up to the DM. Bad DMs can really fuck up an experience. That goes both ways. They can be too strict or too lenient. I'm just playing along with the scenario I've been given.

I mean, I like the type of game where you can be a holy-knight, a Paladin, but you can also learn mystical arts aside from what you would normally study belonging to such a class.
Take an old game I began playing a lot over the last few years. Morrowind. You could easily become a mystic holy knight, learning a multitude of spells.
The scenario has not been defined, and so I defined it for myself. It is my Will, and so it is done.
I am Master of my own Fate, and you are not Dungeon Master here, even if this is your thread, because the rules were not defined.
Not that they should have been. This thread would have been bad if it were serious like that.

What are you going to do if I finish first? Other than be a sticky mess. I think the fatal flaw in your plan started from the very begging. I'm lawful good. I feel like I've proven that. But what you don't know. What you didn't see, is maybe I'm also chaotic kinky...

If you do finish first then I suppose you’ll be peeling a pixie off your cock later after she got stuck to it from all the dried fluids.

Though that does bring up a question. What do you think would be the most humiliating common accident to befall the pixy, that’s not explicitly lewd?

I am a gentleman. I would take you out and clean you up right away.

Getting stuck to fly paper or in a spider web. Which may have some fun kinky play later on.

Interesting, I had assumed it’d be something like getting accidentally stepped on or rolled over in your sleep

I'm not in this to hurt you unless you clearly express that is something you want lol.

Could’ve fooled me with that bedroll incident!

You have literally spent the entire day in my pants. Am I to believe that a friendly Dutch oven is the most grievous thing that's happened today? You can tell you didn't have older brothers.

Just…you’re not gonna fart on me more when I’m in you’re pants will you?

Not unless you want me to lol.

Well then, why did you do it before? And how did you feel afterwards hearing my squeaky voice shout angrily at you and my fists pound angrily at your buttcheek?

Because you were in my bedroll, threatening to poke me with a poison needle. I'm immune to diseases, not poison. How did I feel after? "Hehe, out bully the bully." You've said some things that I've kept in mind. But I'm the sort that doesn't show their cards.

I tried to poison your blood, and you poisoned my lungs…I suppose fair is fair. But mark my words, there will be more to come!

I'm ok with that. I have had a really fun day with you.

…agreed, and same

It may be a bad call, but would you like to go off platform? There's a lot more that can be done on discord. And you can always block me if you get bored.