Depressed anons— here’s a thread for you to vent

Disowned by family, so not invited to Thanksgiving dinner. The few friends I have left are either spending time with their families or working. I would be more than happy to work on Thanksgiving and Friday, but few people showed interest due having plans with families. So management canceled it. Sucks that they were offering triple pay, but I guess most people at work get along with their families. So far the best ideas I have for spending the holiday alone are: movie theatre, fried chicken and fries from a middle eastern restaurant, casino, and drinking. I'm honestly dreading coming back to work hearing all about what a wonderful time they had with their families, while judging me for being a loser degenerate.

Some people's lives look perfect from the outside- but everyone has their own shit going on. We think people judge us but really everyone is so in their own head with their own problems they don't really care about judging someone else.
Lots of families are dysfunctional and have drunken fights when they get together- enjoy your own company, and your chicken.

thanks kind bro, helps put somethings in perspective

This is more of a thread for manic anons, why would depressed anons have the energy to do that instead of just being sad at how retarded your thread is?

i lost like 10k gambling this year, quit about 2 months ago but still feel the pain that i let myself lose control so badly. what do?

declare bankruptcy if you don't think you're able to pay off the debt...that or work a 2nd job.

explaining AGAIN about punching walls

You are a manchild who punches walls just so that you can explain it. You want the attention.

Try not being a faggot you pathetic loser.

don't know if I'm trans

Protip, you aren't. Nobody is. It's a made up social construct that has become extremely popular over the last decade with a lot of young people latching on to it as a way to get attention.

They used to just become goths then in their 20's grow up and take off the makeup, no harm, no foul.

Now they take hormones and get surgeries that destroy their bodies and they never recover.

Hopefully it's not too late for you.

Just wanna take a long night walk but I’m too chickenshit to do it

my mother is a BPD narcissist who has made my life shit, destroyed my hopes and dreams since I was a child, and took advantage of a manic episode trying to quit meds to beg me to move back in with her for the 5th time since age 11 (this was 5 years ago, and 27 now), and I'm living with her again and my equally shitty stepdad with no way out; no license, no car, and no escape without going through them
I'm a closet troon in a conservative state around people who would hate me even if I transitioned despite looking like a child and being 5'2" due to the neglect, abuse, and overall shit luck, my friends all play games I couldn't care less about, and I don't enjoy much of anything
everywhere I go I feel out of place, like I never should have existed, and it's made even sadder by the fact that I was a very intelligent kid who understood the world and how shit it was at a young age, gave up because I was taught to believe in reincarnation and wanted to kill myself at age 9, and nobody tried to help me
I don't know how or why I'm still alive despite the stupid shit I did with drugs years ago, and the few things I have interest in wouldn't be enough to make me want to live for it because nothing will undo the immense trauma and abuse my shit family put me through
and nothing makes me sadder than knowing I'm not alone, and how there's surely others who have it even worse

My Job is great and secure so far, the wife is getting better mentally, I got a lot of free time.
Everything is fine, still I could cry all day.

I left my job, my home, my girlfriend, all of my friends, and moved to a different state. I had to come back to deal with my furniture and stuff, which I'm doing this week. All I want is for people to expect nothing of me and to offer them nothing in return. I want to be completely alone. It is what I deserve. I am good for absolutely nothing but hurting people. I'm going to live in a sober house, despite the fact that my drinking "problem" is fake and gay just like everything else about me, because the rent is cheap. I'm going to save up until I can buy one of those vans you can live in. Then I'm going to live in it, travel, and work shit menial jobs to keep myself going. I will do this until I work up the nerve to kill myself or die in some other way. Nothing can deter me from this, despite the fact that it's retarded and that I could still turn things around, because I don't want to turn things around. I want to be a useless piece of shit and live in a van. That is what I fucking want. Thanks for reading my blog.

I've learned something pretty heartbreaking about (most) women, that's made me realize I'll most likely die alone.

When women say they don't care about looks, that it's all about character, it's the biggest load of shit since "Epstein committed suicide."
Women will preach all day long about how much they care about the "soul" of a person, how they don't care about looks the way men do, but about the "connection."
Bullshit, all of it. They care. They care so much. They care far more than men do.
Next time you see a couple, just take a moment to observe.
How often is a good looking man with an "ugly" woman? A surprising amount.
How often is a good looking woman with an "ugly" man? Almost never. "But I've seen it happen." They're rich. They're always rich.

Women will tell you to your face that "any woman would be lucky to have you." But they will never choose someone like you, because you're not in the top 3% in looks.
Doesn't matter if you're funny, intelligent, a hard worker, caring and paternal if you're under 6'.
Doesn't matter if you're driven, passionate, romantic, thoughtful and spontaneous if you're not masculine.

Women will relegate you to the "friend zone" the moment they lay eyes on you, and there's no getting out.

They will bitch and moan about the men who mistreat them, and you just laugh because it's their own fucking horned up shallow ass self obsessed egos that got them there.

I'm so sick and tired of being told that I'm a catch. That I'm "deserving of love." That I will find my match.
No I fucking won't.

I've been told the same fucking bullshit my whole life, from the same people who put me in a box because of how I was born.

I'm so tired. So goddamn lonely.
I don't think I'm "owed" anything by anyone.
I just want to be given a chance to love, and to be loved.
All I want is a partner, a teammate to tackle this fucking nightmare of a reality we've been born into.

I used to be just like you anon when I was 27, 35 now. I learned over the years that: toxic parents rarely change, and the best soultion is distance. Try to spend as little time home as possible. The public library was like 2nd home to me growing up. They even have resources to help you find a job. Once you find a job, you can look for driving schools to help you get a license. Hang on there. Don't take anything your BPD narcissist mom says too personally, that's just the illness talking.

sounds like unresolved trauma from the past

I'm sorry to hear you've had a similar experience, and I hope you're doing better
I'm trying my best to not spend time at home, and drive and so on
I'll get there eventually, but it's going to be pretty rough, but that's just how it is I guess
thanks anon, just knowing I'm not alone helps

You may think you deserve that fate, but you probably don't. I know deep down it's hard to forgive ourselves, but with time it's possible.

How often is a good looking woman with an "ugly" man? Almost never. "But I've seen it happen." They're rich. They're always rich.

Somehow one of my buddies landed a hot chick despite being overweight and working at Dunkin'. Well...she turned out to be bat shit crazy and abusive. She made his life hell for 8 months until he dumped her. Now he's with a different girl who's far less attractive, but a lot more mentally stable and kind. He's a whole lot happier.

Point is: looks aren't everything and love can be a gamble.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty girl into your wife.

Very alone. Lost all of my family, multiple groups of friends, turned into one of those go out for essentials once a month kind of idiots. Abused by my family, learned the hard way that cops dont care, courts dont care, no one did. Lost my worldly possessions, and learned to live without them. I have a home now, job, and I use my home exercise equipment. But I do not interact with anyone. No one looks for me. Autopay bills, no mail. I am a data manager, and aside from biweekly check ins I dont even talk at work. If I dont have a podcast or noise going on 24/7, exercising or just staying busy the realities of my past and present existence make me want to just end it. And I don't have the justifications to stay anymore. There isnt even an emergency contact to notify when I do, no social media to miss me, I figured I'd wrap myself up cleanly and just leave a 'sorry' post it for the cleanup. And no headstone, no obituary, no one to know I was here, not that I mattered since I don't, but just that I was here. I've shrunken to nothing and it terrifies me how little I even care now, hermit before I hit 30. I've tried therapy; its insulting. "Re-imagine your memories with you as a hero, fighting back" - lie to yourself. Lie, and cry in the dark corner of your world, the best you can hope for is to gaslight yourself out of trauma. Or take pills to make me more comfortable as a whipped cog. There is just nothing left to cling to.

Nah, I guess I just need better medication. I've been in treatment for depression and by now I'm convinced there is just something wrong chemically in my brain.

Thats rough bro. But Id advise against death, you have a unique opportunity to succeed. When there is nothing to lose, you can take advantage. Start trying to get things that are out of reach, remember, you have nothing to lose. Start trying for a promotion, something to occupy your energies. Try and get that date you wanted, whats the worst that happens, more of the same. Desperation can lead to change, and again, you have nothing to lose. If the only step down is a rope, things can only go up.

I really don't recommend being like me but for me it worked. Being like this is the only thing that worked. I became hopeless and I thrive in hopelessness, loneliness and solitude. I don't crave a relationship, family, success, a nice house, a cool car. I enjoy my shitty life to the fullest. I don't hope that I bump into a nice girl while grocery shopping. I don't hope for anything. I am hopeless and happy.

You have to want those things. I'm a lurker, I've seen the "World is your oyster" greentext. A promotion? I can already pay for my life, the prestige and respect would be spent on no one. Date? That part of my mind has been turned off for more than a decade. Every desire that you can have is destination oriented. I want a date for companionship, sex, conversation, a promotion for more money, benefits, to get the shiny toys you want. I dont want any of that, I wanted to live peacefully, and I wasnt afforded that. And you would tell me to deny my peaceful end too? Things can go up? My up isnt your up. Get the promotion and be a shinier cog. Get the girl and birth more abusers, my genes are tainted.

Have you thought about moving to a country in Eastern Europe? Life is cheaper there and there are tons of tiny towns where everyone is abandoning their homes to chase money. You'd basically be able to live alone and have your peace in life.

You misunderstand. I don't mean like a hobbit hole, I want to farm/ranch etc in the middle of nowhere. If I wanted to be alone I'm well there. I want to have not been abused and hurt the way I was. I want my mind to not go into panic assault mode at thanksgiving memories. And I don't get that. I can't get it back, it was taken, and I could go to Latvia or Ecuador but it won't fix anything. I'm not a child, I know what options are available for me. Its not a cry for help, I'm explaining why I'm at where I'm at.

I suck at talking about my feelings but here's my best attempt:

be me

always thought I had a good relationship with my dad and my sister

keep moving all over the country and central yurop for work

always called my dad and my sister at least once a week to catch up, chat, ask about my nephews etc

moved back into my hometown because I scored my first head chef job there

feel absolute euphoria being back home after years and landing a pretty good job

invite them over for dinner to celebrate

during the entire dinner they kept to themselves, mostly my dad talking to my sister and her kids

occasionally try and enter the conversation but always felt like I wasn't welcome

get incredibly sad but don't let them notice

after they're gone I decide to not call either of them for at least 2 weeks to see if they're calling me

it's been 9 months since the dinner and I haven't heard anything from them

Despite my cats and my incredible fiancee I've never felt so alone and forsaken

I have family that has an apple orchard in a town of 15 people in Eastern Europe. It looks and feels like they're living in the 1900s aside from electricity in the house.
But if you've thought about it and decided it's not for you, then it's not for you. As long as you've considered the option, bro.

I had precisely one friend prior to recent events. I had known her for a bit over a year now, and dated her for about a month until I finally decided to raise some concerns regarding the evident deterioration of our relationship, with the one most major being a perceived lack of love from her. She first acted sorry, saying that she truly loved me and didn't want things to end, which was a desire I shared with her. Later on, however, she would then decide to end things herself, claiming to be sorry, sad, and other such things, all of which I could tell was faux as she was joking with her idiot friends in the groupchat SHE ADDED ME TO whilst typing her bullshit.

This was (literally) all because I wasn't another abusive, manipulative asshole, by the way. I hate this fucking life.

Depression sucks... and i have been there for the majority of 20 years.

Yeah so it is my first post ever, propably will be hard to read that disorganised mess.

When I was a child I suffered bullying a lot. I was very short and my puberty hit later than other kids (that messes up your head for life, cuz the feeling of inferiority stays). I Was loud, energetic and spontanous kid until i went to junior high school, where I completely shifted, became quiet and introverted. Got through it, but my insecurities, depression and feeling of being an unliked misfit intensified. In high school it was so bad that I had serious troubles going to school, home schooling got denied which caused me to fail a year, I just couldn't get up from my bed. A year later I got papers for home education, which they said I should get year before, but failed because of covid. I just couldn't even bring myself to attend e-lessons. I simply couldn't show myself to my classmates even on Teams. So yeah, I got kicked out, at 23 I am halfway through my high school education, no motivation to do anything, always tired and in deep depression. I ruined my teeth, my health, my chances so far, have no clue what I wanna do in life. I just wish I had a normal path in life, just had a normal job. I really do want to not be useless and on my mothers' spending, but I simply can't. Hell, I am fantasising about working crazy hours, but I have no Energy to tidy my room or brush my teeth, so yeah getting a job is borderline impossible. I feel like I had no control over my life nor myself. I spend whole days and nights suffering, just trying to find a video game that will take the hollow pain my existence away for a while, getting mad at myself bcs I do nothing for 5th year in a row. It sounds pathetic and it is. I wanna change it, but I feel like I can't. Everytime I get some hope, things seem like I am on a good path to change, I come crashing down once again, and then things I listed above are even more amplified. I'm an adult, feel like a child and all I got is myself to blame.

Have you tried using pseudoephedrine to boost your desire to do stuff?

Get a job. Like a real one. You're confused because you think the key to happiness is having an extra special sexuality that makes you unique and special. But really the key to happiness is money, and friens.

Imagine being this ill but not getting help. That 25 hrs a week at mcgoyslop would be too much.